An Officer, His Forbidden Love, And The Crimes That Bind Them

Katerina's Pov...Frustration And Confusion...Behind The Bar...Continued...

"What happened to him?" He asked in a low gruff voice.

"I don't know, the cops said that he wasn't there when they showed up, but then again he wasn't very high on their priority list at that exact moment."

"Did they ever find him?" He asked as he squeezed my hand tight...he was furious now, but I wasn't done.

"I don't know, you're a cop why don't you figure it out." I said as I pulled my hand from his grip. "I don't care what happened to him, I just wanted to know about the baby...but I lost it."

"That's why you think you can't have a baby." His voice was a lot softer now.

"That among other things...all of my exes were abusive and they did damage." I said as a cold tear ran down my cheek. "I never attract the good guys only the bad ones."

"I'm not like them...I'm never going to hurt you, because I love you and I want to take care of you."

"You are too good for me, Christian." I said before walking away from the bar.

"No I'm not...I only became a cop because I wanted to help people after my friend killed a kid for stealing something from him and I realized that I was headed down the wrong path." He argued. "I sold drugs to kids at school even after getting busted for doing the same thing and trying to high my stash in my brother's bag and I nearly killed my cousin when he was trying to sell our house when I was ten...I am not a good guy and I am not too good for you...I didn't want to leave here without you hearing everything criminal I've done before changing for the better."

I didn't want to tell him that I already knew all about that, because his sisters told me.

"Christian, you've changed for good..but I don't know if I am really there yet." I said with a sad smirk. "I have never felt this feeling before with anyone and that scares me more than anything, because I didn't think that you felt the same way and I was hopeful that you wouldn't...that's why I slept with you, so I could get rid of that feeling."

"But it didn't work, did it?"

"No...if anything it just made it stronger and I don't know what to do."

"Let me love you the way you deserve, let me show you that you are more than your past." He pleaded. "Katerina, I want to be the one to show you what real love feels like." He went on. "You are the one that I have been waiting for...you are my one."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"I can't answer that now, but if you come to my house with me I can show you."

I thought about it for a moment before ultimately deciding to go with him.

I couldn't leave things like this I wanted to give him one more chance to prove me wrong.

But that was it...if I still think that this is all for not then I will end it before it gets too far.

"Why did you come visit me?" I asked as we walked towards our neighborhood.

"Honestly I just wanted to sleep with you at first, but as I got to know you and saw the real you...I just wanted to be around you...I wanted to take away all of your pain and make it to were you never had to worry about anything other than the love I have for you." He answered nervously. "I knew that you were so much more than what you thought you were."

"Why me? Out of all the girls you could have fallen in love with...why me?"

"Because you don't care about my uniform or how much money I make, you only care about me." He answered with a sigh. "That's why I couldn't fall in love with Kendra."

He knew that I hated that woman for what she did to her daughter.

How can you tell someone that you don't want them in your child's life and then leave after birthing that child?

"She wanted me to pay child support, but wouldn't allow me to see my daughter...she just wanted money, but when she found out that I would do anything to know my child...she couldn't take it and left." He said softly. "Stella knows nothing about her real mother and I would like to keep it that way."

"So you would rather she think that a junkie is her mother."

"You aren't a junkie anymore Katerina...I'm here to make sure you stay clean remember?"

"You can only help me through the withdrawals for so long before I'll eventually force you to get me some." I said as we stood by a chain link fence. "I'm surprised I've lasted this long."

"I thought you had no desire to use again?" He questioned softly.

"I don't, but sometimes when I have a lot weighing on my mind, I start to crave another hit...that's the thing about addiction Christian, anything and everything can make you want to relapse."

"Have you been going to your meetings?"

"No...I stopped going because they weren't helping and I ran into someone from my past there."

"Katerina those meetings are a condition of your probation...you can't just stop going."

"My PO said it was alright as long as I continued going to therapy and I have...for the most part." I said, but I said the last part was a lot quieter than the first. "So you don't have to worry about a thing."

"If you think that is going to make me not worry about you...you are sadly mistaken." He said as he grabbed my hands in his. "You mean a lot to me, Katerina and I don't want to lose you."

"Don't be so dramatic...I'm not going anywhere." I said with a small laugh. "I just want you to know that I don't know if I am really ready for a relationship and I don't think you are either."

"And you think that if we were to be together than you'll relapse?"

"I'm afraid that we will lose what we had before we fucked." I said with a sigh. "I can't let myself feel anything for you...right now."

"Why...I don't understand?"

"I don't want to be hurt again." I answered shortly.

"You know that I would never hurt you, Kat...I love you."

"Don't say that...it makes this harder for me." I said before walking away from him. "Just be sure to be at my house before Mitchie gets there."

"Katerina...I'm not giving up on us." Christian said as I walked into our neighborhood.

I didn't know it could hurt so much to tell him the truth, but I needed to tell him before it ate me up inside.

And part of me was glad that he wasn't going to give up, but the other part wished that he would.