Begin Again

Chapter 12

After I bored myself with every game in the app store, I look up at the clock to find that it is well past dinner time. The last soccer practice of the day has been over for an hour now, but I still have gotten no word from Storm. I attempt to convince myself that I am being ridiculous because I just saw him yesterday, but my chest continues to constrict in angst. It is crazy to me that I have only known Storm for a few days now and he already has this kind of effect on me. I feel as if I am living in a dream and one morning I will wake up and Storm will just be a figment of my imagination. If that happens, I just hope that my Dad's accident will also be a part of that dream. 

The nurse interrupts my thoughts as she barges through the door for my Dad's nightly checkup. 

"So," she begins (I think her name is Becca), "I heard that you went to the group I recommended to you."

"Yeah, I did." I answer abruptly.

"Well, did it help?"

"I guess only time will tell." I reply, not wanting to share my darkest feelings with a stranger.

"I hope that class will benefit you in the long run."

I sit there watching her finish checking the monitors that are attached to my Dad. I feel like I do not owe her any more conversations. Isn't the group stuff supposed to be confidential anyway? After a few dragged out minutes she finally finishes with my Dad and we exchange forced smiles as she leaves the room. Her absence of information tells me that my Dad is exactly the same as he was from his last checkup. He has not gotten any worse, but he has also not gotten any better and I do not know which is worse. My fear is that he will never change and so someone will have to decide to finally pull the plug. But I cannot give up hope, not yet anyways. 

I am thankful for the quietness of the room since visiting hours for non relations are over for the day. However, the crowd of people coming to visit has dwindled over the past few days. That's what happens I guess. People become excited over new news, but once something else comes up, the older things just become an after thought at dinner time prayers. But for me, this is all too real. There are still times when I wake up confused because I just assume that I should be sleeping in my own bed waking up to the smell of my Dad cooking breakfast. Everyday I become more and more aware that the situation is real and that it is not going to go away any time soon. 

It continues to grow late, but I cannot turn my mind off long enough to allow myself to fall asleep. The later it gets, the more I question everything going on in my life. I ask myself too many questions that will not allow me to change the outcome of this situation unless I were able to go back in time. Like, what if I never went to camp and so my Dad drove the car because I was with him? Or what if he had just slept through his alarm for a few minutes so that he would not have been on the road at the same time as the car that had hit him? I know that thinking these things do not have the power to change what is at hand, but for some reason these questions are the only things keeping me sane at this hour of night. At least they give me something to think about. 

The hospital never really gets dark. The lights from my Dad's monitors shine in my face and light seeps under the door illuminating the floor of the room. I try desperately to fall asleep, but my mind keeps wandering at the light distracts my eyes from fully shutting. As I try to allow myself to be swallowed up by the night, I make a mental note to text Lana in the morning to bring me more of my sleeping medication that I did not think to bring with me. 

I never really fell asleep last night, so I wake up to the sound of the door closing. I am not confused when I wake up in the hospital room with my Dad lying unconscious next to me, which is a first. I glance around the room wondering who had just left and that is when I see coffee and a donut on the table next to my Dad's bed. I walk over and find that someone has left a note for me under the cup. 

Good morning Jennifer! I hope that you didn't miss me too much yesterday! Anyways, you were sleeping while I came in, but I decided that you weren't keeping yourself nourished so here are some provisions for you. See ya later, Storm

So he really was thinking about me. But then again, what if he was only looking at me like someone to take care of because I had no one else. Well, no matter what it was, I was still hoping that he had ulterior motives. I was tempted to text him thanking him for breakfast, but I feel like I would sound too clingy. So, I just eat my donut and hope that I will be able to see storm tonight. 

I yawn and try to wipe the grogginess out of my eyes. I remember the lack of sleep I got last night and so I text Lana asking her to bring me my medication. She replies in an instant and tells me that she will also come visit me today and she will bring her mom along. I am glad, I have not seen either of them the past two days, but who is to blame them, their lives do not stop on account of me.