Begin Again

Chapter 13

As promised Lana and Aunt Lily come to the hospital a couple of hours later baring my medication. I open the door as soon as I hear them knock and we all embrace in an awkward, yet loving three person hug. I thank Aunt Lily as she sets my medication down on the only table inside of the small, claustrophobic room. 

"Oh honey, have you been wearing the same two outfits for the past four days?" My aunt comments. 

"Well, I haven't exactly had the means to be going back and forth between my house and the hospital."

"You know Lana and I are just a call away if you ever need a ride." She replies more of a statement rather than a question.

"Of course I know Aunt Lily. Its just that, I don't really like to leave my Dad here all by himself. I mean, what if he wakes up and no one he knows is waiting for him." I say this through tears as I realize the improbability of this ever happening. There are no words left to say because we all know what each other is thinking. So instead of trying to comfort me, my aunt just wraps her arms around me and allows herself to shed a few tears. 

After a couple minutes passed by Aunt Lily asks Lana, " Do you mind taking Jen back to the house? And this time Jennifer, if you are planning on continuing to spend the night here you should really pack a small suitcase so that you will have clean clothes to change into. I will stay here to look after your dad."

The ride home is a comfortable silence. Neither of us know what to say so we just crank the music up instead, letting the lyrics fill our minds. 

I see the brick that covers the lower third of my house and the three birch trees organized in a triangle on our lawn. As we pull up into my driveway I can't help but think that it feels as if everything should be normal and Lana is just dropping me off after a long day at the mall. Inside the hospital is a completely different world than what it is like out here. In the hospital, time passes slowly from the lack of sleep and you constantly feel anxious and on edge. But out here, it is like a pre-historic museum reminding people of everything that used to be, but is no longer. 

I never knew what people meant when they said that their legs felt like lead, but now I do. I struggled to climb the three small stairs onto the porch. I had been here once before since the accident, but that did nothing to calm my nerves that were screaming for me to stop and turn around. 

I now have entered the museum. It should be called "The Museum of Before the Accident that Ruined Jennifer's Life and now she has no Parents". Every detail reminded me of how normal everything was before I left for soccer camp. How can things change this quickly? I still see my Dad's reading glasses resting on top of a book which is sitting atop the table right next to his reading chair. His shoes are still sitting at the bottom of the stairs, he was always too lazy to put them away. His coffee mug he used every morning still sits next to the coffee maker. Every little detail reminds me of him and everything that used to be. I run up the stairs not looking back and too afraid to go into his room and find more familiarities. I head straight for the shower and hope that my towel is still in there. 

The bathroom has turned into a mini sauna by the time I get out from all the hot water that I used. I wrap myself in my towel and go to my room to change. I put on a pair of Nike running shorts and a t-shirt. If I am going to be sitting in the hospital I mine as well be comfortable, right? I grab a small duffle bag from the top of my closet and fill it full of t-shirts, shorts, leggings, sweats, and sweatshirts. I figured that they are all interchangeable for pajamas or day time clothing. I also throw in a few toiletries to keep up my hygiene. I see a picture of my Dad and I on a summer day at the beach. I also stuff this into my bag so that I will always remember the good times. I Also throw a few books in from my 'to be read pile' because you can never have enough to do at the hospital. I take one last look around my room and decide that if I need to come back I will. I head down the stairs and rush out the door trying not to be reminded of my past life, which was only from a few days ago.