An Old Friend

Chapter 14 - Guilt

I walked in to see Billie and Mike sitting down on the edge of the bed hugging. And it looked like Mike was...crying?

What happened between them?

He saw me and looked up, wiggled out of his bestfriend's grasp and walked out the door. Dear God.

"Uh, he's just gonna go out for a little bit," Billie said as he got up. He pulled up his jeans as he walked slowly towards me.

"Oh, o-okay."

"I'm so sorry about earlier. What happened was... perfect, but I don't think it should happen again." He said with sad eyes.

"Oh no, you hate me now don't you," I said, tears starting to flow.

"I could never hate you Lizzie, and I'm always goimg to be your friend, but I don't think, at least for now, we should be romantic. I think it's best for the both of us, and for Mike's sake, if we don't see each other as more than friends."

"Well that's easy for you to say, yknow feelings don't just disappear overnight Billie! Maybe they do for you, but it's a hell of a lot different for me!" I yelled. I was mad, and he knew it.

"That's not what I meant! It's just-"

"Mike. It's just Mike. I get it. 'Dicks before chicks' isn't it? Well whatever, I think I need some time alone too." I turned around and opened the door when he grabbed my arm.

"Wait. I meant what I said before... that I love you." He looked at me with his stone cold green eyes. He was telling the truth. Our faces were inches away from each other. But I showed no remorse.

"Oh yeah?" I started a tear running down my cheek, "well I've heard it all before." I turned around and slammed the door behind me. I stormed straight to the elevator, crying my eyes out the whole way there. Stupid Mike, he told Billie Joe that he has feelings for me and that ruined everything.

I was out in the cold, crisp night air. It was about 10:00PM and I was pissed. I loved Billie, I really did. But I thought he would take whatever we were seriously, I guess I was wrong.

At that moment I thought of my dad, he would probably hate me when I returned home. He couldn't lose me, he'd already lost mom.

I approached the back of the hotel and thought I saw Tre sitting in the same spot as I saw him an hour ago. I started walking towards him, but then I saw that it was Mike. This time he was smoking a joint. I quickly turned around and sprinted out of sight without him seeing me.

I walked longer, tearing up every now and then. I realized now that my life was a wreck. I was a wreck. I never knew how fucked up the world could be.

Ahead were train tracks, not the ones on Christie Road, these ones were operating. The red lights were flashing at the intersection, there was a train coming. That didn't stop me.

I walked right on the tracks facing east, the way the train heads. I heard it. The ground started shaking. I could see a light up ahead. This was like reliving the night of my mother's death. I could see the image in my head so clearly now. Here it comes.

CHOO! CHOO!

Closer...closer...closer...CLOSER....

C.L.O.S.E.R.

No, no, I'm not ready to die. I have to much to live for.

I felt myself hit the ground.

Ouch.

I was in shock. My heart was pounding in my ears. There was a heavy weight on top of my body.

Was I dead?

"Lizzie, don't ever scare me like that again."

Who was that voice?

Whoever it was sat me up and held me in their arms. Their chest smelled of cigarettes, dirt, amd soap. Oh my god.

I looked up and saw him. He looked back at me, he saved me. He saved my life. I buried my head in his shoulder and cried. Cried for what seemed like the longest time.

He really did love me. Billie Joe Armstrong loved me.