The not-a-princess

Beaches of clothes

"I promise I never meant to deceive you. You just, you know, got caught up in it." She sat down and put her head in my lap. "Right person. Wrong place. Then someone had a similar idea to me. Blew up the tower. Framed Faye, she just accepted it but in her heart she cursed us. And you saw what it did to us." 

I sniffled. 

"Harley doesn't blame you. She thanks you for saving us, giving her peace. She said whatever path you choose, she'll be watching over you." 

I go slack. 

How did Harley know? She can't know. And how did Ria know what she said. Harley's dead. But somehow or the other, I trusted her.

I believed what she said just the way she did. 

--- 

The realisation hit me when I tried to sleep. I killed Harley. Even if she claimed it was the right thing. I felt sick, numb and overwhelmed all over again. Flashbacks plagued my mind. I just sat there,hands on my head. Everything spun too much; it was that sickly feeling all over again. As if someone had shoved their fist down my throat. 

I staggered into our 'mini kitchen'. Ria was there making a vanilla cherry latte. She still refuses to look at me or maybe she doesn't realise that I'm here. If anything I want to be invisible. But to be honest, more than invisible – I want to be seen. I want to beg my forgiveness. I want to stop seeing red. I want to stop remembering that night in the fire. 

That night I clutched the gun. 

That night I screamed. 

That night I lifted my hand. 

That night, I killed someone. 

Someone I didn't know that well. Someone nonetheless. 

Someone who was a lover. 

A friend. 

A sister. 

Could've been a wife. 

A mother. 

Suddenly, something hardened at the back of my mind. Look at me, I'm so pathetic. Crying over somebody I don't know. I laugh. I laugh and laugh. There's no point, my head already hurts from all those tears. And my throats already dry from all those screams. But I laughed. Laughed, until I threw up. Until I shook like there's no tomorrow.

~ The next couple of terms pass. ~ 

Ria spent everyday like nothing happened. Everybody did. The name 'Harley' was wiped from existence. I still got 1st rank in every class. Ria still barely managed to get through her studies, she still broke the dress code and she and Kieren hung out more and more. More classes were skipped. More lunches were missed. No tears were shed. 

This weekend however the school opened out to the Endless Woods where a huge lake and sand met out. All the Evers and Nevers were so pleasantly surprised [actually sorry just the Evers, the Nevers are allergic to the sun and most get hives when in the sand]. Everyone called it Beach weekend and the dorm wings were filled with endless murmur as girls and boys packed and the buzz of excitement filled the air. Ria and Kieren were of no less, both of them running around arms filled with large items. 

I sighed and made myself comfortable in a shady corner of our room on a neon yellow and polka dotted beanbag. You guessed it, Ria bought one. Speaking of the devil, she barged in, lugging behind 2 carry-on bags, each decorated with sea-shells, charms and all sorts. She tossed the lilac one to me and grinned, " if you think, your staying behind, you thought wrong." 

I opened my mouth in protest but once she gets excited, you would have to fight, blood and bone to stop her. I simply close the book and stretch my arms, "to equip for our trip, only a bathing suit is needed, I presume?" 

She turned her head slowly and looked horrified, "of course not, you dummy." She then ran head first for our wardrobe and immediately began stifling through clothes. I groan, I don't feel like it at all, what a nuisance. I could be doing something more important instead but no. She tossed me some sunscreen witch a fumbled to catch. 

"Hey watch the objects you choose to throw, you could injure me" I call out slightly bemused and slightly annoyed. 

She doesn't look back and says, "anything that you catch goes in your bag, anything that hits you goes in mine, anything that falls in your bag doesn't belong there." I gape like a fish but I don't get much time to react, the objects come flying at me. Towels flew into my arms, sunglasses landed on my head, sun hats danced through the air. I caught whatever I could: fold-up chairs, snorkels, mats, inflatables. 

I got hit by loads of things too; flip flops, sneakers, hairbrush, cosmetics and a fan. Ria turned around and her face melted into disappointed because instead of finding three lovely piles, she found me half-buried under everything. She sighs and heads to the bathroom, scooping up a beauty kit, "I gotta get ready baby, so I'll leave the mess to you." 

That girl. I swear one day I'll- 

 She slams the bathroom door in my face. I don't really have any choice but to listen. So I grumble as I pick up things and sort them into our bags. By the time I'm done, Ria still hasn't getting dressed yet and I can smell strawberry shampoo, lipstick and perfume [wild lavender and sweet sea salts]. However, my arm muscles ached from carrying umbrellas and deck chairs and sweatbeaded my forehead. 

You know what, maybe it might be a good thing if I could go and relax in the sun for a bit. And maybe swim in the sea to cool off, yeah, I like that idea. I quickly grabbed the nearest dress, a dark purple pinafore. AsI got changed, Ria sashayed in, a giant smile on her face. She wore a light, warm makeup look styled with a short mini bohemian sundress. She gave a twirl,"so hows the look?" I thought she looked amazing, a little bit inappropriate since most parts were sea through but it was a cute look. 

"It looks-" 

"IMPRACTICAL AND HORRENDOUSLY UGLY." Ria interrupted quite rudely. 

The look of aghast on her face made my confidence and self-esteem wither a bit and I hesitated, "wh-what do you think is so wrong about my choice of clothing?" 

She immediately sizes me up, making me self-conscious and with a finger to her lip she says, "summer palette: pink,blue yellow. Preferably off the shoulders. Skirt short: kaftan or long: chiton? And since you prefer more formal I'd say... blouson or cocktail?"