They Say Time Is A Great Healer

Chapter 5

I'm so tired after last night. I ended up sitting downstairs in the living room because I just couldn't get back to sleep. It must have been about 2am? And I can't believe how long it took me to find some glasses so I could have a drink. It never struck me quite how bad I was but I've kind of realised that I can't remember anyone but my husband and my children and I don't know anything about my own life or even about myself. I sat and found a notebook with a pen on it and I flicked through it and it turns out it was something of mine, I can't remember what it said though. So I decided to write a list of all the things that I am completely certain of in my life and let me tell you; it was a very small list.

I went to get myself a drink and it took me forever to quietly go through every damn cupboard to find a glass and when I did, I dropped it didn't I? Smashed it to bits on the smooth black tiles, and I cursed myself as I crouched down to pick up the stray glass. I stood up after cleaning up the glass I had clumsily dropped and I was greeted by Alex, leaning over the counter watching me.'What's up?' He asked and I just stared at him, he seemed to notice he said the wrong thing and tripped over himself trying to regain his composure and change his sentence. 'I... Uh came down to see what... If... Um you were alright' he offered sheepishly,'I'm fine' I answered quietly and quickly apologised for breaking the glass 'it's fine honestly' he said running his hand through his sleep tousled hair and offered that we go back to bed. I smiled and nodded before following him up the stairs back to the room.

We both fell asleep quite soon as I recall, as my antibiotics make me horribly tired sometimes. I suppose they must be helping me otherwise I wouldn't need them.

But today was a total disaster. Alex put an emergency phone into my bag and said I could go anywhere if I felt like it. He put my keys on the side next to my bag before kissing me goodbye as he left for work. He kissed my scar and I winced but didn't say anything so to avoid upsetting him any more. It was about midday that I decided to have a walk so I picked up my bag and keys and went out. I locked the door behind me and I stood, for a moment, with my back against my door and looked out at the busy street. I took a step and I saw a neighbour standing on her doorstep; she was staring at me so I gave her a tentative wave and she turned and went inside without saying a word or even acknowledging my wave. I just can't understand it. So anyway, I walked down the road and went in several shops on the way past them. I wasn't sure where I was going but it was like my legs were going somewhere my brain couldn't remember. I ended up at a coffee house and went inside, some of the people smiled at me but others didn't, I got to the till and looked at the menu, I ordered a cappuccino and the woman looked at me oddly. I paid, took my coffee and sat by the mirrored wall, wondering why the woman had looked at me so strangely. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and touched my scar anxiously and I wondered if that was why, but as I pulled my hair over it and turned around, I jumped as I saw the waitress looking at me. 'Jennifer?' She exclaimed 'yeah?' I answered cautiously 'its me!' She squealed 'Tanya! Can I?' She asked and motioned to the chair opposite me, 'I suppose'. She sat down quickly and started throwing questions at me about how I was and how life was because she hasn't seen me since school, but every time I took a breath to answer as interrupted me. So I just sat and watched this woman bombard me with questions that I hadn't half a chance of answering. 'Oh my God!' She whispered dramatically and opened her eyes wide 'what happened to you?' I looked at her questioningly and carefully replied 'in what respect?' She laughed 'still a posh girl eh? And I'm talking about your head!' She tried to whisper but failed. I turned back to the mirror and pulled my hair back, much to her surprise and utter horror at the actual size of it 'holy crap Jennifer that's a stonker of an injury! What happened?' I swallowed my mouthful of coffee self-consciously as she stared at my head. 'I was in a car accident' I explained slowly, her jaw hit the floor and the mood about her changed dramatically 'well at least, that's what they tell me' I laughed uncomfortably and tried to shake it off but she just stared at me for what seemed like years. 'So, you. Don't. Remember?' She pieced together, I shook my head slowly and her eyes filled with tears 'you remember me though right?' I shook my head again 'I know you told me earlier who you are but my memory isn't functioning well at the moment so I can't remember your name from a few minutes ago despite school however many years ago that was' I stopped as she was starting to look a bit vacant and she was staring at the wall. I gently shook her shoulder and when she didn't answer I had to talk to someone behind the till to come get her. I left quickly only to realise that I hadn't a clue how to get home. I walked in the direction I thought I had come from and managed to get very lost, I felt my eyes sting with tears but I held them back as I tried to find my way home. After an hour and a half of walking in all different directions I was at a loss, that is until I saw the coffee house I had come from. I walked over as I thought that someone might know where I lived but my heart sank as I saw the closed sign. I leant up the door and slowly slid down it burying my face in my hands and crying out my frustration. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to find a police officer kneeling beside me 'are you alright?' She asked and I shook my head, she stood up, helped me up and we sat at one of the outside tables. 'Whats the matter?' I tried to talk but I was racked by another sob, she stood up and took my hand 'try and calm yourself down' she said soothingly and I urged myself to calm down, stop crying and talk to the woman. As I calmed down, I realised that my little episode had caused one hell of a headache, 'okay, now you've calmed down a bit can you talk to me?' She asked 'well' I started 'I came out this morning to have a walk and I came to this coffee shop and' I sniffed and carried on 'now I don't know how to get home!' She looked a little confused and asked how I didn't know 'we'll my memory isn't very good, I haven't been out of hospital very long you see' 'why were you in hospital?' She interrupted 'I had a car accident and lost my memory' I said and a huge grin spread across her face 'that explains everything then'. She took my back to her station and looked at my records to find out where I lived, it was only then that I realised that I had the phone in my bag with Alex's number on it and I asked the officer if I could call him. 'Of course' so I called Alex and recounting the events made me well up all over again and he hastily told me he would come and pick me up and within about 5 minutes, he ran in. I was talking to her about what happened when he came in and I jumped up to greet him. She smiled and said to me 'I see you've got the sparkle back in your eyes' she said and shook hands with Alex. He thanked her for helping me, as did I, and we went home.

When we told Charlotte about it she laughed and gave me a fierce hug. 'I'm glad you didn't get lost' came her muffled voice from my jumper 'me too' I whispered and hugged her back.