12:08 :: jj

t w o

*hailey*

I hear a light knock on my door and soon it opens just a smudge

"honey, can I talk to you?" my mothers voice boomed through the small crack

"uh, yeah sure come in" I say wiping away the tears from my eyes

yup. here I was again in my room crying my eyes out because of Jack.

I just missed him so much.

it's the kind where you feel incomplete. when you need this thing to fill you up inside so you can stop feeling that way.

"look hailey I'm-" I cut her off

I know I shouldn't of yelled at her last night it's just that I was already sad and then she says she understands.

"mom don't say you're sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you. It was rude on my part" I sigh

"oh no honey I know that you just bursted out because you miss him" she finishes telling me and pulls me into a hug

"and I'm very sorry about that. he was one hell of a guy but you can't stay in your room forever and grief"

"It's just that I miss him mom. I miss him so much" I break into sobs.

"look at it this way would he want for you to be here in your room and cry all day and night?"

I sigh but shake my head no

"exactly so let's go out" she suggests

I love how my moms trying to cheer me up, I do. but I can't not right now it's too soon.

"mom I can't. It's been a couple weeks and I just can't not now" she doesn't push it any further for my sake and agrees

"but at least come down for dinner sometime" she says before heading out.

+

dear Jack,

hey. it's been a few weeks now. I still miss you like crazy. honestly I feel crazy. I'm trying so hard to be okay with you not being here anymore but it's hard. I'm breaking. every second, every minute that passes by you're in my mind. my mom has been pushing me to go out but I can't. it's too soon. I'm afraid if this goes on I might hurt myself. the moment it happened I couldn't move, I couldn't eat. I didn't want to be alive, not without you. and I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to be strong for you, for my mom, for my dad. the thing is I can't...I can't I need you. you complete me...you. I know that you want me to go out and start looking at the brighter side of life and trust me I've tried it but I just don't see it. I just see a never ending tunnel of pain. I love you Jack. I'll see you soon.

love,
Hailey

12:00

the clock strikes midnight and I'm ready to leave.

"honey?" my mom calls from the living room

"uh yeah"

"where are you going it's midnight?"

my mom always waits for my dad to come home from work which is around 12:30ish

"I'm going for a walk. it's more peaceful at midnight so I might just go everyday. to relax myself"

"honey I don't think that's a good idea. I know you've been going for a few nights now but what if something happens" she says concerned

I turn around to face her as see comes into view

"mom it won't. but if it does then so be it. but I promise it won't I'll be careful" I give her a warm smile and head out.

12:08

once again I'm there. as always

I smile, tears threaten to fall but I refuse

"12:08 as always baby. I'm glad you're mine. you mean so much" I sigh and force a smile before I break into tears

"no crying right? because I'm here with you" I say wiping away the tears

I take the letter out from my jacket and place it on his grave along with the other letters from previous days.

"I love you so much, I'll see you soon" I smile and head out.