{ON HOLD} Melt|Zauren

M.26

"There's gotta be something else he's just not saying," Camila said. She came over to make me feel better and so I could have someone to vent to. I threw my arms up and let out a sigh. "If there is then I really want to know, because I feel really worthless."

"You're not worthless, Lauren."
"Well, that's how I feel. It doesn't matter how different he says I am then Selena or even Elle. They have something I don't have. Maybe in this case it's good to be the same."
"I think you need to talk to him," Camila said. I shook my head.
"I tried earlier and he had no answers for me. He just doesn't want to date and I should understand that and respect his decision. I don't want to come off as clingy or desperate. I'm the furthest thing from that. I don't know. Maybe that's why he did it? Because that's how he viewed me."

Things got quiet between the two of us and I started replaying the situation again in my head. "But, enough about that. I'm all Zayn'd out right now. I just want to do anything to get my mind off of him," I said truthfully.
"We can do the typical girly thing, and have some retail therapy."
"That's true." I jumped up and grabbed my car keys. "Shopping has only brought my mood up. Let's get out of here."

Music from the late 90's and early 2000's blared through my cars speakers the entire way to the mall. It was almost therapeutic to feel that nostalgic as we belted out the lyrics to our old favorite songs.

"Can we please get food after this?" Camila asked. I looked up from the clearance rack I was sifting through. "Camz.. We've been in here for probably like ten minutes. We ate before we left." She let out a sigh.
"I know, but I'm desperately craving garlic knots from the food court."
"Fine. We can get garlic knots after this.. but you're buying the mints this time."

I pulled a shirt off the rack and held it up to my chest. I tilted my head staring in the mirror, imagining how the creme colored top would hug my curves. "What do you think?" I asked. Camila looked past me and then started sifting through the rack.

"Geesh... Do you think it looks that bad? Or are you just trying to make me feel bad so we go get the garlic knots now?" I laughed to myself.
"Selena is here," she whispered. She wasn't making eye contact. "Don't look." I of course looked.

Selena was by the fitting rooms folding some graphic tees. I turned to Camila. "Really? We aren't sworn enemies. We've talked and you know this. It's not like she's gonna rip my head off."
"You don't know that for certain. She is crazy after all." I made a face at her and laughed. "You're being ridiculous."

"Oh my god.. She's coming over here." I slowly turned around. Selena was sure enough approaching us with a big phony retail smile. "Hey. I didn't know you shopped here," she said.
"Garlic knots," Camila quickly said. I nudged her. Selena raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. "Yeah, well I didn't know that you worked here."
"It's practically like I don't. They never give me hours." I nodded but didn't say anything.

"How are you and Zayn? Everything okay now?" I almost laughed at that.
"I don't know, honestly." Selena made a face like I started speaking another language. "What do you mean? I thought you guys would be married at this point," she bitterly joked. I didn't laugh. "What happened?" She held up a finger. "No. You know what? Hold that thought. I am actually going on my lunch break. Maybe we can chat then?" Selena scurried away.
-
"So, what happened?" Selena asked uncapping her water bottle. I shrugged. "I guess you can say nothing was happening.. I don't know.. It's kind of weird talking about this with you." Camila walked over and sat down with her plate of garlic knots and marinara sauce. "I know that it's weird, but who knows Zayn romantically better than I did?" She had a point.

I glanced over to Camila who shrugged. I let out a sigh. "Don't tell him anything I'm telling you," I warned her. Selena laughed. "The guy doesn't even talk to me. You're safe."
"Okay, well, I felt like he was stringing me along. I didn't feel like that actually up until I asked him basically why aren't we dating yet, and he said he doesn't want to date me. He didn't really give me a reason, but I guess that was reason enough." I was playing with the rings on my fingers.

"Zayn. Zayn. Zayn.." Selena shook her head. "He must be the crazy one. I hardly know you but from the few conversations and confrontations we've had, and how composed you kept yourself.. I know you're normal. You're what Zayn's always wanted but unfortunately couldn't get because he had me. You're not just just some time being type of girl.." Camila nodded along with what Selena was saying. "She's really not."

"Something is obviously going on in that guys brain. I know you guys are both deserving of each other. Zayn deserves someone.. "normal"" Selena laughed doing bunny ears with her fingers. "And you're that potential chance. Knowing Zayn, he's going to realize that and come through for this chance or.. you're going to have to keep trying for him."
"I don't know if I can do that.. I don't want to seem desperate or anything of that nature. That's just not me. It's bad enough he's got me feeling like a giddy school girl," I honestly said.
"And isn't it such a pleasant feeling?" Camila interjected.
"Yeah. It's the best feeling in the world," Selena said.

"Selena!" A taller brunette called out. Selena rolled her eyes. "I cannot stand her.. but if I don't go over there now she's gonna come over here. Even I wouldn't want to do that to you guys." Selena slid her chair back and stood up. "If you tell anyone I have a heart.. I'll kill you," Selena smirked before walking away.

"I guess she's not that crazy..." Camila blinked. "She made some valid points."
"I know," I sighed.
"So what are you gonna do? I mean you guys could have a beautiful friendship if anything, like you have now."
"You're right.. I don't know. I've thought about that, but it's like I have all these feelings. They aren't just going to disappear. Once you make yourself vulnerable and speak on your feelings.. That's it. You can't just turn back."

Camila and I didn't say anything. I just started thinking to myself as I spun my phone around. "You should text him," Camila said. I shook my head.
"And say what? I didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't text him and apologize for having feelings. No. If he really wants to talk he'll text me. So far, he doesn't want to talk." I shrugged. "And I don't think I want to talk either."