To Fall

In a city that always breathed under the shadow of heavy fog, an abandoned and old house had stood for years at the end of a dark and narrow alley. Its walls were covered in deep cracks and a thin layer of dust and rust, and its roofs seemed ready to collapse at any moment. No one knew to which era this house belonged, and no memory of its glorious days remained. Everything had merged with a vague past, like forgotten memories that never find their way back to the mind.
I was the only one left with a small share of this house. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say that this house was my only refuge, a place where even the shadows failed to forget. In this city, which was sinking deeper into oblivion each day, I had long ago decided to surrender myself to the darkness of this house. It was as if this house was somehow part of my fate.

Every morning, I would slowly wake up from a decayed bed in the corner of the attic and feel the same weight in my chest as I gazed at the eternally gray sky. The dusty, heavy curtains never fully opened; even when the wind tried to stir them, it was as if some strange force kept them trapped in their place. The only sound that broke the absolute silence was the occasional groan of the old wooden door, creaking slowly as if the spirits of the house had fallen asleep. Sometimes I imagined that one day, this house too, like other parts of my life, would collapse and vanish. But something kept me here. Maybe it was memories I could never recall. Maybe an invisible past that I even doubted myself. Or perhaps memories that had never existed... or something beyond that...something I couldn’t even comprehend.

I am a dreamer. Sometimes, in the midst of these daydreams, I lose sight of reality.
This morning, like every other day, I woke up suddenly, but this time it wasn’t because of the wind or the trembling of the house. This time, something was different. I felt that the house, the walls, the air, were whispering something. It was as if a hidden truth lay within this old building...one of those truths that, when you get too close to it, everything suddenly changes.

A truth that perhaps would lead to me understanding myself, or maybe to the collapse of everything I knew.
For a moment, I heard a faint sound from outside. It sounded like heavy footsteps slowly walking through the old alley. This sound drew me to a window I had never dared to fully open. I looked out through the dusty glass, and for the first time, I saw something different. A shadow, seeming to move through the fog towards my house. A shadow that felt like it came more from within me than from the outside world.

My mental state, like this old house, stood on the edge of collapse. In these cold, dark rooms, far from the outside world, I was consumed by myself, and in the midst of it all, endless doubt and anxiety surrounded me. Nothing felt as close to me as the coldness of these walls, and nothing was as palpable inside me as the sense of helplessness and worthlessness.

This world is full of contradictions, and the most striking contradiction lies in how people treat their loved ones. With cold and unfeeling hearts, they choose to ignore, as if they are mere spectators in a bitter play unfolding in others' lives. No glance, no word is directed toward the person until the fall begins, until that individual sinks into the depths of darkness. And when the decline starts, suddenly, all eyes open to the person falling. Those who once looked upon them with deadly indifference now approach, offer care, and try to make them feel valued. But do these efforts matter in those dark moments, when their soul is drowning in the mire of addiction or contemplating ending it all? Perhaps, but it’s too late.

People don’t understand where this dark abyss begins. It starts in the days when, instead of love, they receive neglect; in moments when, instead of being understood, they are rejected. That sense of worthlessness, which follows them like a shadow, drags them to the edge of destruction. And when news of their end reaches others, with faces full of shock and sorrow, they ask, "What was the problem?" But the answer had been written long ago, in the silences that swallowed them whole.