Inside Out [Mello x Reader]

9 | Fire And Ashes

[Mello's POV]

Back then at Wammy's when I was a ten-year-old, I sneaked out at night several times. There was a place I had discovered from which you had a nice view over the city of Winchester. It was a thirty-minute walk which led me over a huge grass field on a hill. When I arrived at the edge of the forest, I would always climb on a tree and let my gaze switch between the city lights beneath and the stars upon me. I would always stay there till late at night. Those nights always gave me peace and distracted me from my hard studies.

One night I fell asleep on that tree. And I fell. The next thing I felt was hitting rock-hard ground. I had landed on my back and desperately tried to fill my lungs with air while being paralyzed. For a moment I thought I'd suffocate and die a lonely death beneath the night sky.

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That's exactly how I feel in this moment. Except that I sense a new kind of brutal, burning pain on my left side, especially on my face. I'm lying on the ground and don't exactly remember what had happened the second before.

I hesitatingly open one eye, which unexpectedly costs me a tremendous amount of strength and find myself on the stairs through my blurred vision. Despite feeling completely paralyzed, my hand automatically reaches up to cover my left eye while I scream in agony. I gasp for air and instantly regret it. Smoke burns its way into my lungs, like the last and only time when I tried some of the heavy stuff my mafia mates were smoking, except this is a hundred times worse. My oxygen mask must have been blown away. I cough roughly while having no other choice than to inhale the toxic fume.

I get it now.

I've been caught inside the explosion. I lift my head as much as my body allows me to. When I look down, I am left terrified. And not just slightly.

I instantly throw up at the odor of rotten flesh mixed with smoke. The only thing I see is blood and only blood. No wonder I'm at the verge of passing out. My skin looks so fermented that it scares me and to think that my face must look the same or even worse, gives me goosebumps. That's gonna be a lifelong scar for sure, if I still have a life ahead of me, that is. I'm not able to hear anything, except from a permanent beeping sound ringing in my ears. One thing is certain; if I close my eyes now, I'll never wake up again.

But that's not a bad thing right?

It's not like I have any strength left to stand up, after all I can barely stay awake. Lacking the strength to move is like trying to wake up from a nightmare but not being able to. I lay my head back down and face the ceiling with a defeated stare. Fuck you, Near. You better stop Kira now that I can't anymore.

It hurts. Not just the huge burn on my left side as well as every single breath I am forced to take but the fact that this is the inevitable, lonely death that has been waiting for me all time long. I only wish there was a night sky with shining stars upon me. Suddenly, I tear up. Dying a lonely death really is worse than in my imagination. I never had a place I truly belonged to. Not with my so-called parents, not with Wammy's and not with the mafia. Funny enough, the best part was by far my time at the mafia, which indicates that the bar must've been set quite low.

Now that I think of it, there was a place that felt like home to me not long ago, but I'm afraid I can't return to it anymore. I try to remember what it felt like. What it felt like having a deep conversation, being understood, embraced, accepted, being loved. And I ruined it.

I'll die here surrounded by flames, carrying the guilt of the biggest mistake I have ever made. Of course Burgundy didn't sell me out. But by the time it all came together perfectly; her being an ex-cop, Matsuda's message and the police invading the hideout right after. I didn't quite trust my own intuition but now I know for sure that I'm in the wrong.