𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

chp5

Joshua’s chest felt like it was caving in, the ache so raw and all-consuming that he almost couldn’t breathe. His eyes fluttered open, but the pain didn’t lessen—it worsened as he became aware of his surroundings.

This wasn’t the graveyard.
The soft hum of voices, the distant sound of footsteps, and the gentle breeze brushing against his skin told him he wasn’t kneeling by Seokmin’s grave.

Instead, he was at a familiar table outside the university campus, his books neatly stacked in front of him. The sky was bright and calm, mocking the turmoil inside him.

Joshua blinked slowly, his heart pounding in confusion. What the hell is going on? His chest heaved as he sat up, looking around. He touched the worn wood of the table, his trembling fingers brushing the spine of one of his books. It felt real. Too real.

No, this isn’t right. I was at the graveyard. I was with Seokmin.

The thought sent a jolt of panic through him. He shot up from the bench, clutching his bag with trembling hands. His breathing was shallow, the world spinning around him. I need to go back. I need to see him. He’s alone. I left him alone again.

Joshua’s thoughts were a frantic mess as he turned to leave. His legs felt heavy, his vision blurred with unshed tears. But then—

“Shua Hyung.”

That voice.

Joshua froze mid-step, his breath hitching painfully in his chest. His heart, already fragile and breaking, nearly stopped. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be.

He turned around slowly, almost afraid of what he might see, of the hope clawing its way into his chest.

And there he was.

Seokmin stood just a few feet away, his radiant smile bright enough to light the darkest corners of Joshua’s shattered heart. He held two iced Americanos in his hands, looking as alive and carefree as ever.

Joshua’s knees nearly buckled at the sight. His lips parted, but no sound came out. He stared, his mind desperately trying to reconcile the image in front of him.

“Hyung?” Seokmin tilted his head, his smile faltering slightly as concern replaced his usual warmth. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Joshua’s vision blurred with tears as he dropped his bag. Without thinking, he stumbled forward, his legs moving on their own. His arms wrapped tightly around Seokmin, pulling him close as a sob broke from his throat.

The iced Americanos fell to the ground, forgotten.

Seokmin stiffened in surprise, his hands hovering awkwardly for a moment before gently patting Joshua’s back. “Hyung? What’s wrong?” he asked softly, his voice tinged with worry.

Joshua couldn’t speak. His tears soaked into Seokmin’s shirt as he clung to him, his body trembling uncontrollably. His thoughts were a whirlwind of disbelief and relief, guilt and grief.

“You were gone,” Joshua choked out finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “You were gone, and I—” His words broke into another sob as he tightened his grip on Seokmin, afraid that if he let go, this fragile reality would shatter.

“Hyung, I just went to get coffee,” Seokmin said with a nervous laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Joshua pulled back slightly, his hands cupping Seokmin’s face. His thumbs brushed against his warm skin, his tear-filled eyes scanning every detail as if memorizing it. “Happy birthday,” he whispered hoarsely.

Seokmin blinked in confusion before letting out a soft laugh. “Thank you, Hyung, but my birthday’s not until February. It’s January.”

Joshua froze. His breath caught in his throat as the words sank in. January.

His hand trembled as he reached for his pocket, pulling out his phone. His vision swam as he unlocked it, the date staring back at him like a lifeline: January 17th.

Exactly one month before Seokmin’s death.

The realization hit him like a tidal wave, knocking the air from his lungs. His phone slipped from his grasp, clattering to the ground as his knees gave out.

“Hyung? Hyung!” Seokmin’s voice was panicked now as he crouched down, his hands gripping Joshua’s shoulders. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Talk to me!”

But Joshua couldn’t speak. His sobs came in broken gasps, his hands clutching at Seokmin’s shirt as if he were a lifeline. He shook his head, unable to form the words, unable to process the whirlwind of emotions crashing over him.

Seokmin’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly. “It’s okay, Hyung. Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured, his voice steady despite the worry in his eyes.

Joshua’s breaths came in shuddering gasps as he leaned into Seokmin’s embrace. His thoughts raced wildly, but one thing became clear, cutting through the haze of his grief and disbelief.

This isn’t a dream. I haven’t died. I’m alive—and so is he.

A sob tore from his chest, but this time it was tinged with something other than despair. Relief. Gratitude. Hope.

Joshua pulled back slightly, his hands still trembling as he cupped Seokmin’s face again. His voice was raw, barely audible as he said, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Seokmin’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Hyung, what are you apologizing for? You’re scaring me.”

Joshua shook his head, a weak, trembling smile breaking through his tears. “I don’t deserve this,” he whispered. “I don’t deserve you.”

Seokmin’s lips parted as if to argue, but Joshua didn’t give him the chance. He pulled him into another hug, his tears soaking into Seokmin’s shirt as he clung to him.

“I won’t let you go,” Joshua murmured, his voice trembling with a mix of desperation and determination. “Not this time. I swear, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Seokmin didn’t understand the weight of his words, but he didn’t push for answers. He simply held Joshua, his presence grounding him, giving him the strength to face what lay ahead.

Joshua’s mind was already racing, formulating plans, vowing to make things right.

This time, he wouldn’t fail. He wouldn’t let the love of his life slip through his fingers. Whatever it took, he would protect Seokmin.

Because this wasn’t just a second chance.

It was a lifeline.