𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

chp8

The sun hung low on the horizon, its golden light spilling into Joshua’s bedroom and casting everything in a warm, fleeting glow. The room was quiet except for the soft hum of Seokmin’s giggles, the sound tugging at Joshua’s heart in ways he couldn’t put into words. They were lying on his bed, limbs tangled in the most domestic of ways, Seokmin nestled against his chest like he belonged there.

Joshua held him close, one arm securely wrapped around his waist, the other gently brushing through Seokmin’s soft, chestnut hair. He could feel the rise and fall of Seokmin’s breath, the slight quiver in his laughter as he looked at something on his phone—probably a video of puppies. Seokmin loved those, always cooing over their tiny paws and floppy ears, his eyes crinkling at the edges in that way that made Joshua’s heart ache.

He stared down at him, his sunshine, his everything. The curve of Seokmin’s lips, the light dusting of freckles across his nose, and those two perfect moles on his cheek—Joshua had memorized every detail, cataloged every inch of him like a sacred text. His gaze lingered, and he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.

How do I let this dream end? When it's this- this beautiful,

The thought stabbed through him, a jagged wound he couldn’t close. He knew the day was slipping away, knew the sun would set, and reality would come crashing back. The graveyard. The cold stone engraved with Seokmin’s name. The suffocating silence that replaced the warmth of his laugh.

He tightened his grip, pulling Seokmin impossibly closer. He couldn’t lose this—not again.

“Hyung, you’re holding me so tight,” Seokmin teased, his voice light and airy as he tilted his head up to look at Joshua.

Joshua blinked, forcing a smile. “Am I?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin giggled, setting his phone down and wrapping his fingers around Joshua’s hand. He began tracing small shapes into his palm, his touch delicate, comforting. “Not that I mind. You’re warm.”

Joshua’s heart ached. Warm. The word felt cruel, like a lie. I wasn’t warm enough, though, was I? I wasn’t there when you needed me most.

His mind drifted to February 17th, the night that had shattered everything. The night he didn't pick up seokmins call, sleeping like a fool he had gone later after seeing seokmins missed call.

But later had come too late.

Seokmin was gone by the time he reached him. His sunshine extinguished, his light snuffed out in the cruelest of ways. Joshua could still hear the echoes wonwoos voice , the quiet tremor in his voice as he announced the death of seokmin to him

"Dead, He killed himself last night"

Joshua blinked rapidly, forcing the memory back, burying it deep where it couldn’t hurt him. Not now. Not when Seokmin was here, alive, warm in his arms.

“Hyung?” Seokmin’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. “What’s wrong? You look… sad.”

“Nothing,” Joshua said quickly, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat and smiled down at him, brushing a thumb across Seokmin’s cheek. “I’m just thinking about how lucky I am.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, a playful grin spreading across his face. “You’re so cheesy.”

Joshua chuckled softly, though the sound felt hollow. He tightened his grip again as if holding Seokmin closer could stave off the inevitable. The sun dipped lower, shadows creeping across the room.

“I should probably get up,” Seokmin said after a while, stretching lazily.

Joshua’s heart seized. “No,” he said quickly, his hand darting out to grab Seokmin’s wrist. “Stay. Please.”