𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

chp10

The next day was like any other, but for Joshua, it felt different. Lighter, as though he had shed a weight he didn’t know he was carrying. He was walking to Seokmin’s lecture with him, holding his hand, the warmth of Seokmin’s fingers curled around his own a constant reminder that everything was right now, that he still had the chance to keep this sunshine close.

They chatted as they walked, laughing about something trivial, the air between them warm with comfort. The past felt so far away, like a shadow he was finally ready to leave behind. It was just Seokmin, and it was just Joshua, and Joshua felt—maybe for the first time in a long while—that this was enough.

But then they reached the entrance of Seokmin’s lecture hall, and as Seokmin reached for the door, Joshua heard a voice.

“Joshuji!”

He froze, his heart leaping in his chest at the sound. He hadn’t expected it so soon. Turning around, his stomach dropped when he saw Jeonghan walking toward them, his familiar smile plastered on his face, his presence too familiar. Joshua felt a pang in his chest at the sight, a mixture of guilt and confusion flooding through him. He had almost forgotten that Jeonghan was going to be back from abroad.

Seokmin’s hand, which had been holding his, suddenly stiffened. Joshua could feel the change in Seokmin’s posture—rigid, uncomfortable, like he was shrinking into himself. Joshua watched as Seokmin’s smile faltered slightly, as though he was trying too hard to keep up the façade.

"Jeonghan," Joshua greeted, forcing a smile, but he could feel the unease creeping in. He turned to Seokmin, about to tell him that he'd wait, but he saw Seokmin’s face, and something in the pit of Joshua’s stomach clenched.

Seokmin’s smile was stiff now, his eyes darting between Joshua and Jeonghan. It wasn’t hard for Joshua to see the way Seokmin was holding himself back, the way his eyes flinched a little when Jeonghan greeted him with a friendly, “Hey, it's seokmin, right?! It’s good to finally meet you”

The air suddenly felt heavy, like the warmth between them was vanishing, and Joshua couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. He could see it now—the way Seokmin seemed to shrink under Jeonghan’s attention. The way he just stiffly bowed, There was something there, something unspoken, and it hurt to realize it.

“I didn’t know you were back,” Joshua said to Jeonghan, his voice a little tighter than usual, trying to mask the underlying tension.

Jeonghan grinned, as easygoing as ever. “Yeah, just got back yesterday. Needed to catch up with old friends.” His gaze shifted to Seokmin again. “you good?”

Seokmin nodded quickly, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Joshua could see the way Seokmin was trying to keep his composure, but it was clear he was uncomfortable. Something about this situation was too familiar, and the reality of it slammed into Joshua with a force he wasn’t expecting.

It wasn’t just that Jeonghan and Seokmin weren’t as comfortable around each other anymore. It was more than that. It was the subtle way Seokmin seemed to be shrinking away from Jeonghan’s presence, like he didn’t feel worthy. Joshua’s chest tightened as he pieced it together.

Did seokmin felt worthless because of Jeonghan? It can't be-

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Seokmin had always felt overshadowed by Jeonghan—Jeonghan had been the childhood friend, the one who’d been there first, the one who Joshua had always shared a history with. Joshua had been too blind to see how deeply that had affected Seokmin, how much he must have felt like he was never enough, like he was always competing with the memory of Jeonghan.

No wonder Seokmin had felt worthless. No wonder he had killed himself. He had never felt like he mattered enough to Joshua, not when Jeonghan was around.

Joshua felt a wave of panic wash over him, the rush of guilt threatening to choke him. He needed to fix this, to make Seokmin understand that Jeonghan was just a part of the past, just an old friend who didn’t hold the same place in Joshua’s heart anymore.

But as Joshua turned back to Seokmin, ready to reassure him, he saw the hesitation in Seokmin’s eyes. The unease that had settled over him was more than just discomfort; it was pain. Seokmin was standing there, quiet, and Joshua could see that he was pulling away again, hiding himself under a mask of politeness.

Joshua’s heart clenched. He reached for Seokmin’s hand, his fingers trembling. “Hey, let’s talk later, alright?” he said softly, trying to pull Seokmin away from the situation, but he could feel Seokmin’s hesitation, the way he didn’t quite lean into Joshua’s touch.

Jeonghan was still smiling, oblivious to the tension, unaware of the way his presence was eating at the very core of Seokmin’s confidence. But Joshua could see it now, couldn’t ignore it anymore.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, his voice quiet but firm, “are you okay?”

Seokmin gave him a tight smile, but his eyes betrayed him, flashing with uncertainty and self-doubt. “Yeah, Hyung. I’m fine,” he said quickly, brushing off Joshua’s concern.

Joshua’s heart broke at the way Seokmin was trying to act like everything was normal. He knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t just the situation—it was the fact that Seokmin had never truly believed that he was enough. That was what Joshua had to fix, what he had to save Seokmin from: the idea that he didn’t matter, that he could be replaced so easily by someone from the past.

Before Joshua could say anything more, Seokmin quickly turned toward the door, offering a polite goodbye to Jeonghan.

“See you, Hyung,” Seokmin said with a soft bow, his voice clipped, his posture stiff.

Joshua didn’t want to let go of his hand this time, but as Seokmin walked away, he felt something in his chest tighten even more. The realization stung. He had to make Seokmin feel worthy of everything—he had to make Seokmin feel like he was the most important person in the world, that there was no one else, no one who could ever take his place.

But in doing so, he didn't want to forget about Jeonghan—about the hurt Jeonghan must have been feeling at Joshua’s distance. Jeonghan had always been there for Joshua, and Joshua had neglected that, had let himself get so wrapped up in Seokmin’s pain that he hadn’t considered the damage it might do to his friendship with Jeonghan.

Jeonghan’s smile faltered slightly as he watched Seokmin walk away, and Joshua realized, too late, that this wasn’t just about saving Seokmin. It was also about not losing the people who mattered—people who had always been there for him. And right now, he could feel Jeonghan slipping further away, just as Seokmin had almost slipped from his grasp once before.

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Filler, I am kinda rushing it