Chapter 18

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Two years ago

Leire had been in love with Robin for so long, she barely remembered the day she realised what her feelings for him really meant. Her friends kept telling her Robin felt the same, encouraging her to do something about those feelings, but she didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. Because getting her hopes up meant he'd have to break her heart and she wasn't strong enough for that.

But then...he would do something that made her feel like maybe he really liked her too and she didn't know what to make of that.

"I'm so tired", said Robin, turning slightly to place his head on Leire's shoulder. He also grabbed her hand to hold and Leire almost stopped breathing.

"Was training bad?"

"I overdid it in the gym. But I'm fine now I'm with you".

"You're welcome", she half joked, because hearing him say that meant so much to her.

It was then that Robin looked up and smiled at Leire. Their faces were so close and so Leire stopped thinking for a second and leaned down to kiss Robin.

"What are you doing?", he asked, getting up quickly and separating himself from Leire.

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe she had tried to kiss him but also...his reaction? It was like he was disgusted of the idea of kissing Leire. He probably is, she thought, mortified.

"I'm sorry. I...I don't know what I was doing".

Robin looked like he was trying to relax his expression. He noticed the pain in Leire's face after his rejection and it was killing him.

"You had a glass of wine. And we're both tired. It's fine. Let's go back to watching the movie and pretend this didn't happen".

"No", she said, surprising both of them.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not drunk or tired...I...I tried to kiss you because I wanted to".

"You don't know what you're saying, Leire".

"Don't tell me what I know!"

It was rare for Leire to raise her voice but who did he think he was to tell her that?

"You know I like you, Robin. Everyone does...".

"We don't have to talk about this".

"We do. Why don't you want to talk about it? What are you so scared of?"

"I'm scared of losing you!", he yelled.

"You...you don't...you don't want to be with me", they had all been wrong. She had been wrong too. She could see it now.

Robin sighed. He had tried to avoid this so many times.

"It's too complicated. You're too sweet, Leire. Too pure. You don't fit in this life. My lifestyle...they'll eat you alive! I can't do that to you".

"Who will do anything to me?", she screamed as well. "And what do you mean I don't fit in this life? I've been in your life for how long?"

"Being in my life as a friend is not the same as dating me...you already struggle with the attention our friendship gets. Dating will only make this worse".

"Who are you, Robin? Who? You are a nobody! No one knows who you are apart from your team's fans! Why do you think you're Mbappé all of a sudden? No one cares about who you date!"

"You know that's not true. You know about all the comments we get and how much those bother you. And maybe I'm not anyone super famous now. But it can change in a second and I don't want you to be hurt by any of that".

"I don't care about any of that. I just want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?"

"It's not so simple", he answered, frustrating Leire even more.

Leire let go of some of the anger and started to cry, which made Robin ran to her side immediately.

"Don't touch me!"

"Leire...".

"Why are you doing this to me?", she whispered.

"Because you believe in a perfect version of me that doesn't exist, Leire. I'll disappoint you all the time. I'm not a character from one of your books".

That felt personal. Everyone always made fun of how much Leire liked to daydream. But Robin never had. He always wanted to hear about the thing she had been imagining lately. But maybe that was a lie too.

"I know. I'm not a child. I know how reality works".

"I don't think you do".

"What?", a slap would have definitely hurt less.

"You're too innocent. That's why I try to protect you. You haven't seen the hard side of the world. You've had a very easy life...".

"Because yours has been so hard", she told him, her voice full of venom.

"At least I've learnt what rejection feels like from a young age because of football. I had to move to a different country not knowing what would happen next. I had to leave my family behind. You...".

"I haven't gone through that, I know. Doesn't mean I'm an idiot that doesn't understand life can be ugly too".

Leire wanted to cry, to scream, to kick the chair she was standing next to...

"I don't want to see you again, Robin".

"What? No! I need you, Leire!", he was freaking out now. The argument had gotten too heated but she was being irrational now.

"As a friend. You need me as a friend and I can't keep doing this. I just poured my heart out to you and you only told me all the reasons why I need to be away from you. You're worried about the world hurting me but I wish you understood how much you just hurt me!"

"I didn't mean to...".

"You broke my heart. I can't be near you...seeing you will only break the broken pieces more. It'll make me feel like I'm bleeding out constantly. Like I'm feeling now".

"Leire...".

"Stay away from me. I don't need to hear anything else you have to say".

Robin panicked even more. He needed to do something to not lose Leire. He wanted her...of course he wanted her. But he was preparing everything to find the right moment to confess those feelings to her. He wanted to make sure she was protected from everything that could happen. But this ruined his plan. Why did Leire have to do this now?

And because he didn't know how to act while he panicked, his solution was to grab her shoulders to stop her from moving away from him and trying to kiss her. But Leire pushed him away from her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I take it back. I take it all back! I'll be with you, Leire. I want to be with you. Please, don't leave me!"

"You can't take those words back, Robin. Just go away. And stay away. Being near you hurts too much".

"Not being with you will hurt me!"

"Should have thought about it before humiliating me. You can take my heart and break it but let me keep my dignity".

And that was the last time they spoke to each other until Leire moved to Madrid.

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