Invisible string (Robin Le Normand)

Chapter 23

After the initial shock of Robin's actions, Leire started to kiss him back. Because how could she not do it? She had never stopped being in love with him. But having to be around him all the time...her heart wanted him. Him. No one else.

When the kiss ended, they both stared at each other, not knowing what to say.

"Robin...".

"You don't hate me and I don't hate you. I love you. That's why this has been so complicated".

"What?"

Robin wanted to laugh because still years later, he didn't know how to explain his feelings simply. "I just love you. I don't know what else I need to say. I have wanted to be with you for so long but we aren't just regular people. It makes things complicated but I want you, Leire. You need to know that".

"But you rejected me...".

Leire felt so much hope but also so much pain. Because some things Robin told her during their argument had confused her so much. If he wanted her...how much time had they wasted and why?

"I was afraid", started Robin. "Everyone has an opinion about footballers and their love lives. Not just fans...it's ridiculous! Some managers pretty much told me to marry the first woman I met. A shame I didn't have a highschool sweetheart because that would have been so good for my career. Then others told me to wait because they made the mistake of marrying the first woman they had met thinking it'd be good for their career and they felt trapped".

"Ok...", Leire tried to understand but it all sounded so complicated.

"When I met you...it felt like you could be that woman I met that could be my wife. And you were smart and not interested in being famous so people would love you. But I realised something".

"What was it?"

"People put the idea in our minds that we'd be a good couple. They mentioned it all the time but...I was the one who wasn't good enough for you".

"Not good enough for me?", asked Leire, shocked by that confession. "How?"

"Look at you. You published your first book before graduating from university as one of the top students. You have a good career. You're smart, you're kind, ...and I'm a football player".

"You're the one feeding into the stereotype now".

"It's a stereotype in the first place for a reason. We started this fake thing situation so people liked me better because I was seen with you".

While she could understand all of that, Leire didn't understand the whole reasoning Robin was trying to explain.

"So you didn't date me because I'm too good for you? You'll need to explain it to me like I'm 5 because I'm not feeling very smart at the moment".

"Well, first of all, I was afraid you'd dump me at some point. You'd eventually realise you could do better".

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever thought, Robin", she told him. "Did I ever make you feel like that?"

"Not on purpose probably. But I felt that way".

"I mean...we could have broken up, sure. That can happen in any relationship but you're more than enough. You are smart and kind too. There are so many hobbies we both like. I always felt like we were a perfect match, you know? Like it was so hard to find a man I had so much in common with but I found you".

Robin nodded, accepting Leire's words and trying to fully believe them. It was hard to change your mind about something you had believed for so long.

"And I was worried about you. I feared they would use you to hurt me".

"Who's they?"

"Everyone", he sighed. "Rivals, football fans, the media, ...I've seen teammates' partners being blamed for losses. And it was the manager who blamed them not a stupid journalist from a tabloid".

"That's so unfair".

"Yeah, well...it still happens. And I knew all the attention you got because of our friendship was something you didn't deal with so well. Imagine if instead of just being my friend, you were my girlfriend. You'd be a target for the rage of football fans everytime I made a mistake".

"I don't care about that", said Leire but Robin shook his head.

"But you did care. I know you did. So I was getting everything ready for when I confessed my feelings to you".

"What?"

That was the part Robin had not shared with anyone. But he had been trying to make the transition from friend to girlfriend as easy as possible for Leire. How successful it would have been was still a mystery.

"I hired a lawyer. To deal with any article written about you".

"Are you serious?", Leire let ouf a laugh that showed her disbelief.

"Yes. I also chatted with a guy that especialises in social media so he could remove all the abuse you could get before you even saw it".

"That's...", she had no words to define how it was. How it made her feel.

"I hired him once I posted a photo with my sister and people started to send her weird messages. You have a public account so he'd had been busier but worth it if it meant you weren't hurt by any of it".

All that information was too much to process but Leire was trying her best. While trying not to have a panic attack because of Robin's love confession.

"But why did you reject me? If you were planning to do so much to protect me?"

"Because you caught me by surprise. It was so hard to just be around you and not tell you how much I loved you, Leire. So hard. And I was counting down the days until I could tell you and then you tried to kiss me and I didn't expect it. I didn't know how to react and I reacted in the worst way possible. And then...you hated me. You didn't want to talk to me".

"Your rejection hurt too much", she reminded him.

"I know. I just expected you to talk to me a couple of days later and we would fix this but you wanted nothing to do with me".

"I was a bit busy crying my eyes out", she tried to laugh.

Robin didn't laugh because knowing how much he had hurt Leire was not funny at all. It was the worst kind of pain.

"Ever since you moved here, I wake up every day expecting you to be gone. I would wake up and realise you were never here. And you will never be. You'll be gone forever and I'll hate myself forever because I'm the one who pushed you away. But here you are...and just having you around makes me so happy".

"Even if we argue all the time?", joked Leire.

"As toxic as it sounds, at least you arguing with me showed me you felt something about me. It was better than the nothing I got the years after we stopped talking to each other".

"It is pretty toxic. I don't want toxic. A toxic relationship would separate us again".

"I know", he nodded. "But...Leire, don't you realise that everytime we drift apart something brings us back together? We're meant to always be together. Always".

"I have noticed", she smiled.

Leire moved closer to Robin and grabbed his hands so she could hold them. It felt so nice and it was only a small gesture. But any gesture felt like so much more when Robin was involved.

"Just tell me what you want, Robin. For once, forget about the what ifs and the fears. Tell me what you want. Because I know what I want".

"If you still want me...I'm all yours. I've always been but now I won't hide the way I...".

And this time it was Leire who shut him up with a kiss.