INTERNAL CRIES-COMPLETED

Kabanata 36

Kabanata 36

RotyPeaks Ridge Camp

“The wedding is not real,” dagdag ni Daddy.

Para akong nabingi dahil sa narinig. Para akong sinaksak nang paulit-ulit dahil sa nalaman.

“I know, Kheen, that you don't love my daughter. I just gave it a shot for what she's asking for me for a trade. But I wanted to make sure that she wouldn't be tied up in a wedding that wasn't bound by love. I knew— well, Arden knew—that you don't love her. You don't even like her. That is why I did what I did in case she wanted to have an annulment with you. I don't want to put pressure on her since she's sick. I need to take good care of her. And if trading her to give her what she wants—for her to get the treatment she needs—I don't need to think twice. I'll gamble for her sake. And if I need to do it again for her health, I will do it without a second thought.”

I don't know what’s more painful. Is it knowing that I was lied to by the people I thought I could trust or being played by the man I thought loved me?

The wedding was a fraud. Should I feel happy for that? No and yes. No, because they lied to me! No, because I can't even imagine how my old self feels if I remember it. Yes, because I don't need to put up time dealing with that fucking false marriage! 

Am I really happy about that? No, because I was fucking in love with a man who lied to my face and told me that he loves me too!

“Of all the people I know, you guys are terrible!” I said, gritting my teeth, before I leave the room, heartbroken.

“Arden, can we talk? Please?” habol ni Kheeno, his voice was pleading.

“I am not sure when I will be ready to talk to you, Mr. Urzua. And I don't think we still need to talk about it. But for now, I just want you to leave me alone,” I said without looking at him.

My tears were falling as I walked towards my Jeep. I couldn't imagine how everything turned out. I wasn't expecting all of it. I thought I just lost my memory due to the operation I had three years ago. I never thought that I had these bad memories way back then.

I don't know if I should be thankful that I forgot all of it. Living for three years without those memories is awesome, but thinking about it now feels terrible.

And Kheeno...

Mas lalo akong napaiyak dahil sa mga alaalang mayroon kami ni Kheeno. I don't remember what we looked like before, but the past few months with him are the best thing that ever happened to me after I woke up from the operation. And now, it all broke me down.

And he doesn't love me. My father, my friends, and maybe all people in the hacienda knew that he never loved me. At pinakasalan lang ako dahil napilitan ito.

I drove away from the hacienda. I don't know where I'm going. I don't have anyone else aside from the people I just know for three years.

Habang nagmamaneho ako palayo nang palayo sa hacienda, pabigat nang pabigat naman ang nararamdaman ko. Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko.

I parked my Jeep along the roadside at hinayaan ang sariling umiyak nang umiyak hanggang sa tumigil ng kusa ang mga luha ko. I continued driving. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta, but I just found myself in RotyPeaks Ridge Camp.

Bahagya na akong kumalma. The fresh air welcomed me and made me calmer.

Agad akong nag-rent ng matutuloyan ko for tonight. There are tiny houses that are available for rent, kaya kaagad akong nag-rent para makapagpahinga na rin. I rented a kubo for two dahil iyon ang may kakaunting kubo na katabi. Tanging tatlong kubo lang ang nasa bandang iyon at may distansiya sa isa’t isa.

Hapon na at gusto ko na lang makapagpahinga. I already got my things inside. Pagkatapos kong magbihis ay nagpahinga muna ako sandali bago nagpasyang lumabas at magmuni-muni.

Dahil sa sobrang ganda ng paligid ay tuluyan na nga akong kumalma. Pero nananatili pa rin ang sakit sa puso ko.

I sat down on one of their swings, na nakikita ang magagandang view sa ibaba. I don't know if I have been here before, but this place is amazing, and I can't bring myself to focus on my aching heart because the beauty in front of me was way too hard to ignore.

Nang tuluyan nang mag-agaw ang takip-silim, mas lalo pa akong nakaramdam ng kapayapaan. I let myself nurture the serenity moment before I let myself cry again when the night finally hit.

Sa simula ay tahimik lang akong lumuluha habang nakatingin pa rin sa tahimik na kapaligiran. Hanggang sa tuluyan na nga akong humagulhol nang iyak.

Hinayaan ko ang sariling umiyak. Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong lasapin ang sakit na dulot ng kasinunggalingan nilang lahat.

’The wedding is not real.’

Napapikit ako at mas lalong napagagulhol nang bumalik ulit sa isipan ko ang sinabi ni Daddy.

I feel so betrayed. I feel so alone now.

Hindi ko alam kong ano ang nagawa ko para makaranas ako ng ganito ngayon. I don't know if I was a bad person before, para maging deserve ko itong nangyayari sa akin.

Was I bad? Was I being mean to the people surrounding me?

Of course, I was!

Umiyak ako lalo. I was selfish! I forced someone to marry me, kahit na alam kong may mahal itong iba.

Maybe I did deserve all of this. I deserve this pain. I don't need to blame anyone else aside from myself. Walang kasalanan si Kheeno. Walang kasalanan si Daddy. These are all my fault.

Accepting reality is hard, but it's better than lying to myself.

Madilim na ang paligid nang magpasya akong bumalik sa nirentahan kong matutuloyan. Agad akong naligo at nagbihis para makapagluto ako. I don't have food yet, kailangan ko pang alamin kung saan pweding makabili ng pagkain.

Nang binuksan ko ang pinto para sana lumabas ay bumungad sa akin ang isa sa mga staff ng RotyPeaks Ridge Camp na may dalang mga pagkain.

“Good evening, Ma’am. Maghahatid lang po ako ng pagkain niyo,” nakangiti nitong saad. Napakunot naman ang noo ko.

“I haven't ordered yet,” saad ko, na kaagad namang ikinangiti ng staff.

“These are the free food packages in your booked place, Ma’am. Ikaw po kasi ang ika-100 customer namin today. May promo po kasi sa ika-100 customer na food package until the day you're staying.”

Natuwa ako dahil sa sinabi ng staff. Biruin mo, napadpad lang naman ako rito tapos nakalibre pa ako ng pagkain.

Agad nilagay ng staff ang pagkain sa mesa, sa labas ng maliit na kubo, pero nakaharap iyon sa bangin na nakikita ang magagandang view sa harapan.

“Enjoy your stay, Ma’am. If you need anything, you can ask any of the staff here po. Goodnight!”

“Thank you,” agad na pasasalamat ko.

Magaan na ang pakiramdam ko habang nakaupo ako at kumakain. Nakikita ko rin ang mga mumunting ilaw sa ibaba ng bundok na nagmumukhang mga maliliit na alitaptap dahil sa layo nito.

Pagkatapos kumain ay naghugas muna ng pinagkainan bago natulog.

Kinabukasan, sobrang aga kong nagising dahil sobrang tahimik ng paligid. Napakalamig din ng paligid, at nang buksan ko ang pintuan ay nakapalibot ang napakakapal na fog.

I was so amazed by what I saw. Pero ang ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi ko ay biglang naglaho nang lumingon ako sa kabilang kubo at nakita ang kalalabas lang din sa pintuan na si Kheeno. Nakapamulsa ang isang kamay nito at ang isa ay may hawak na isang tasa ng kape.

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GorgeousYooo 🍍