INTERNAL CRIES-COMPLETED

Kabanata 38

Kabanata 38
Realized

Lagpas alas dos na ng hapon ako lumabas ng kubo para makakain. When I was done, tumambay lang ako sa swing na tinambayan ko kahapon.

I haven't seen Kheeno and Kayden around, kaya walang nangtataka sa aking kumausap.

Spending time in this peaceful place made my mind at peace too. Napag-isipan kong mas mabuti nang harapin ko ang problema kaysa takbuhan ito. I decided to talk to my father about what he had done after I talked to Kheeno later.

Kailangan ko nang kapayapaan. I think my old self suffered enough for everything she'd experience, so might as well I won't let my new self suffer anymore. My old self has come this far para sa kabutihan ko ngayon, so I will do my part. I forgot everything in the past for a reason, and that is for me to have a peaceful life now. I owed it to my old self.

I know I haven't any idea about my past, but that doesn't mean I can't have a better future now. I believed that everything happens for a reason. Kung nagaws man ni Daddy iyong pagsisinungaling niya tungkol sa kasal na naganap noon, alam kong may rason siya, and for sure it's for my own good.

I sighed when the sun sat in the panoramic view in front of me. Nagkulay kahel ang langit dahil sa papalubog na araw. Ang hangin ay nagsimula na ring lumamig. Maya-maya lang ay magsisimula na ang bonfire, kung saan papalibot ang mga turistang gustong mag-bonfire.

My attention from watching the picturesque view in front of me was distracted by someone clearing his throat behind me. Nang humalo ang pamilyar at mabangong amoy nito sa hangin ay agad kong nakilala kong sino ito.

“May I... sit here?” Tumango lang ako at hindi na nilingon si Kheeno.

I thought he went home already since I hadn't seen him around earlier. Or maybe he's spending his time on the activities?

Naupo si Kheeno sa bench na malapit sa swing na inuupuan ko. Sinipat ko siya at nakitang mataman siyang nakatingin sa napakagandang tanawin sa harapan namin.

I know it hurts. It’s a very strange feeling how someone can be in our life for months or even years and then one day, all of a sudden, not be there anymore. 

Maybe the relationship ended on good terms. Or maybe it was completely catastrophic. Either way, it’s so bizarre how relationships can change so vastly and rapidly. 

And I know that we may not be at peace with what happened between the two of us; that's perfectly fine. Sometimes the end of a relationship can literally be one of the hardest things we go through in life.

I know it’s okay that my heart still hurts because of what happened. I have made a lot of memories with him these past months. And these memories that I have made are something I can’t erase no matter how hard I try. Whether I like it or not, they are a part of our story.

I know looking at these memories can be hard, and I may wish I could forget them. But instead of forgetting, just like what happened to my past, maybe I should try to focus on what came from the relationship. 

We joined paths for a particular reason. Maybe we walked through some of the hardest times together. Maybe we understood each other in a way no one else ever did. Maybe we encouraged one another to be strong or to embrace who we genuinely were as a person. 

Or maybe my relationship with him opened my eyes to what I truly needed in my life.

Regardless of what the reasoning was, it’s okay to acknowledge that... he meant a lot to me. And it's okay if I still do. It’s also okay that he won't be in my life anymore. 

What a lot of people don't understand is that not every relationship we encounter will last a lifetime. I shouldn't be lingering in the past, questioning why everything happened the way it did.