𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐗𝐄𝐃 [𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐱𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥]

20. Closeted Confession

Emily's POV:

As Monica-oops, 'Mou', my Mou, I blushed at the thought-kept dragging me back towards the library, I couldn't help but think over all the decisions that I had taken over all these months-all the choices that I had made independently throughout these sixteen years of my life. And contemplating gets us nowhere, I know, but I was terrified. My mind was filled with what ifs and maybes and ifs and buts. What if they troll me? What if the entire school gets to know? Or worse, what if my parents and teachers get to know? Will they still regard me with the same respect and glory that they do now? Will I be treated the same if people know that I'm not 'normal'?

All these questions guided me to one answer-I don't know. And that is what I feared the most. The unknown. All my life, I had planned and arranged everything as if it's a script, perfect and proofread multiple times-but now I feel nothing less than a fish out of water. And my chicken heart wasn't helping at all. Did it really have to pound against my ribs so hard? I swear my pulse could outshine an Olympic sprinter at this rate.

I really wanted to go back, escape, and spend a few more minutes in that empty room with Mou. Just her and me. No one had to know, right? We were good and warm in each other's arms. I could have stolen a few more kisses too. And Lord, why is she so excited to rat me out? Is this some happy celebration she followed when she realized she wasn't straight either? It might have worked out well for her because she is-well, she, and no one can resist her ever, like I can't now. But that doesn't guarantee things will go well for me too!

I cannot imagine my friends hurling rainbow flags at me. The thought of it alone is terrifying. However, them grimacing at my very presence after knowing that I'm a lesbian, visually seems more appealing and realistic. So be it then.

Let's bid farewell to the life I had. Drop out of school, go to Vermont, and get down to dope.

Majestic.

Alas, even there I'll be a misfit. As all I know is the theory of relativity, not the theory of narcotics.

"Mou can we just-" I croaked, for one last time.

"And here we are!" Monica announced it in a fucking celebratory mood. She'd be the death of me.

Looking forward, I realized that we had already reached the wide open entrance to the library. Oh Lord, stupid heart calm down. You got to survive this.

"Uhh... yeah..." I managed, in the shyest tone possible.

"Man up, Em! Be a man! We can do it!" Mou encouraged as she reached out for the collar of my uniform, gently patting it down and straightening the creases from when she had grabbed those to kiss me. I blushed through my nervousness, reminiscing about that action.

Alright Emily, you can do it; the girl of your dreams believes you can! Don't let her down. Don't let yourself down. If things go south, Vermont is still open. It's now or never. I told myself to try to muster up as much confidence as possible. And then I walked in.

Through the welcoming doors of the library. More like the welcoming doors of hell. Never mind.

The library was empty; I made a note. That's a good thing; at least no other student or teacher would be there to witness my walk of shame at this moment. What a timely benefit!

I kept walking, hand in hand with Mou, and finally located our 'predators' at the far end of the room... calm and collected like heretics with eyes focusing books open in front of them? That's unusual. They looked oddly civil and sober. That's gravely impossible... Do they really know about us or...

Third person's POV:

Monica and Emily paused and shared a puzzled look, taken aback by the friends' indifference. Monica cleared her throat loudly as the empty library echoed the sound, further amplifying it. Tender-hearted, pun intended, Anastasia flinched, holding her hand against her chest, while the other five looked up from their books, paying their precious attention to the two latecomers.