How I got to date the loml

Tears

✨Mon, Sep 15 2025✨

It's currently 10 pm I should be asleep right now; but my arms sting, John and my mom are arguing, and my eyes won't stop watering. God, I hate myself. Why the fuck am I just spread out on my bed silently crying, holding a pillow to my mouth just so I won't be heard crying.

The best part about having a rich friend is he gifts me things, like AirPods. I put them on and play my sad playlist at full volume to drown out the sound of arguing. I turn to my side curling up into a ball still covering my mouth as I continue to silently cry.

I move my hands in a motion that made the sleeves of the hoodie fall past my hands. It smells like him. I wonder how tomorrow is gonna g- Oh god my stomach hurts now. I FUCKING HATE THE FUTURE! I hate thinking about it. I hate what might happen. It hurts too much not knowing what's actually going to happen.

Everything is changing and everything will continue to change I'm slowly being forced out of my comfort zone and I don't like it. I sit up wiping my tears.

Let's focus on the past. Specifically earlier. He looked so fine without a shirt. Oh my... had I been staring at him so much? Had he noticed me staring? This is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.

I take my airpords off and put them away. I lay down on my back placing my hands on my lower abdomen one above the other.

You know I'm kinda stupid for not noticing he cut himself. I mean there were some visible scars on his upper arm. Oh. I see now why he's always wearing long sleeves or arm warmers. I wonder if his friends know.

Wait does he Photoshop the pictures of himself at the beach to hide the scars on his arm? Or any picture that shows his bare arms to be exact. Wait his friends were in some of the pictures which means unless he had another way to hide the scars then his friends do know. Um... yes I have staked his socials let leave me alone. Actually, if it's there for the public to see is it really stalking?

I wonder why he used to cut himself. Maybe I should ask him? Nah. I feel like he wouldn't answer that. But he would have to since I answered him. It would only be fair. I wanna see him again preferably shirtless. WAIT NO! WHAT AM I THINKING I don't want that it'll be awkward.

I wonder... if he's been sad enough to cut himself... has he ever been to the point where he'd try to... I don't wanna think about that.

I should write all of this down and ask him or maybe I should avoid him for the rest of the year. Wait no that wouldn't work, he sits behind me in Spanish. AHH! Can I please shut off my brain well at least I'm not crying or thinking about the fut- well then never mind.

I am thinking about the future. Do re mi fa so la ti do. La la la la la la la la la. How to distract my brain. Wait what is that sou- oh. It muffled crying.

Coming from the living room I assume. So it must be from... My mom... she's crying... why?

Maybe I should go comfort her. I don't know. I can hardly comfort anyone. I'm not cut out for this but I can't just sit here in the silence hearing my mom cry.

I know I'll drown out the sound by turning the fan on.

I get up and turn on the fan.

AHH! The guilt is eating me alive. I'm gonna go and comfort her.

I exit my room and head to the living room. "Mom... are you okay?" I ask my voice low. She stopped crying and looked at me. "Yeah sweetie, go back to bed, okay?" I frown at her obvious lie. "Mom, I know it's dark but I can still see your face and the black eye..." She wipes her tears and sands up. I walk over to her and hug her "It's okay Mom" she began to cry on my shoulder. I rub her back and pat it a bit.

I don't know how to comfort her. How do I comfort her I don't even know why exactly she's crying. I mean I assume it's because of the argument she had with John but I don't know.

She pulled back holding onto my upper arms. "You should get to bed you have school tomorrow and it's like 10:30 pm. Hey where did you get this hoodie from?" she asked me gesturing to the hoodie.

I begin to play with the fabric at the bottom of the sleeves. "I got it from the guy I went to tutor earlier he let me keep it," I replied. She said alright and sent me back to bed, saying she would be fine. I go back to my room and lay on my bed.

I turn to my side tangling my legs with the body pillow. I grab my phone and text Fred. I tell him how tutoring went. I told him about how Tom now knows I cut myself. I did not tell him about how I had cut myself this morning tho since I don't really want to worry him. I want him to think I'm getting better.

And of course, the topic had changed bit by bit as the conversation went on. We were talking about emojis now. I had sent a text and he didn't reply. It was left on read. "Today has been, particularly melancholy" I text. It sent then, two blue check marks. Left on read. Again.

I waited, 2 minutes felt like 10 maybe he just doesn't know how to reply to the message. Maybe his dad entered his room and asked him to do something. Maybe he fell asleep he does that sometimes. "I feel like relapsing" I text. Still on read. 3 minutes later I texted "Did you fall asleep?" read again.

Maybe I should... no. Mmmm... maybe. I guess I will.

I exit the chat and go to Toms contact. Am I really about to do this? I guess so. "I know you probably don't care but I feel like relapsing. And the only other person who knows about this that I can talk to about this is either asleep or ignoring me." I send the message and turn off my phone placing it down.

I feel it vibrate and I open it he had replied. "It'll last for about 30 minutes we could text till the urge is gone" What would we even ta- wait I could ask him the questions I have. "That would be great. Tho what would we talk 'bout I mean I do have a few questions for you but we don't have to talk 'bout that if you're not comfortable with it. It's just a suggestion." I type and send the message.

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Word count: 1200

Originally there was not gonna be a chapter but I got motivated and wrote it. If it is bad I wrote this at 1 am earlier today so ✨ enjoy.