Billie images

⚠️shut the fuck up⚠️

(⚠️TW: self harm⚠️) (y/n: your name)

It's billie's tour. I am her new photographer with zoe. I really love her new hit me hard and soft tour. She is finally happy, or so I hope. She has friends with her. Sadly, she doesn't have her brother with her on this tour. But she is still pretty happy. I love the job that billie gave me. I can't explain how excited I was when the tour started. Now we are already in Boston. Everything on this tour had been amazing. Seeing Billie perform. Seeing her having the best time of her life-

Hey, we are soon at Boston. You daydreamed the whole bus drive here. Ava says.

Oh, sorry, I was just thinking everything, but yay, Boston, I bet it's gonna be amazing. I said.

Yeah, but one night before Billie performs here. Are you gonna come with us? we are gonna go see the city and look for some clothes, maybe with Billie and Jade Ava said.

Oh yeah, I come. Let me just change first. How long will we be at Boston? I asked.

About 15 minutes. Ava said. I nodded and went to my bunk bed. Billie slept under it. Then there was ava and then her sister Jane. I love billie's friends. Okay, I need to get myself some clothes. I threw on a hoodie and some sweatpants. They all don't know I cut myself. Not at is why I wear long sleeved clothes. I got back to where ava and Billie were. There were zoe and Jane too.

Oh, you came back. Billie said.

Yeah, I did. I said. Zoe looked me left arm sleeve. What was wrong with it? Oh shit it had dried blood.

Uh, I will go change a hoodie. I said and walked back was as I can. I hope they only think it's some stain. I put on a black hoodie. Not stains. Okay, good.

I get back there and sit on one of the chairs.

Uh y/n the hoodie, why did it look like it had dried blood on it? Billie asked.

Oh, it was not blood it was some stain I need to wash it. I said. I tried to dismyself so I took ym phone. After 5 minutes, we were at Boston. We all jumped out of the Busan walked. We wanted to go and see the shops first. Of course, Billie saw some fans. Billie took quick photos with them. Then we continued our trip to stores. We found a cute little clothes shop.

Billie found herself a pair of shorts, and I found myself a new hoodie. I really needed a new one.

After that we went to a cute café and we took something to drink. After that, we walked back to the tour bus. We went inside. Oh, nat was here and Odessa too.

Hi nat and Odessa. I said and took the hoodie I bought to my bunk bed.

Oh, hi y/n. Did you have a good day with the girls? Odessa asked.

Yeah, I did. I said. I went to sit. We needed to sleep on the tour bus tonight. As I sat there on my own thoughts, I couldn't stop thinking about cutting. How good the blade would feel on my skin.

Cutting
Blades
No one is gonna notice
Couple cuts, please
You know you can't escape from us
You know we are right

Maybe i should tell them what I feel inside?
No, you can't
You are gonna be attention seeker
You can't ask help
They are gonna leave you if you tell
You can't tell anybody
They are fake
Your friends are fake
The only real friends you have are us and blades
Remember, we are always right
So what are you gonna do? Cut?
Only a couple doesn't really hurt anyone
Just couple
Good luck ignoring us

I am gonna go to a walk. I said. I really need something to ignore the voices. I have been clean for almost 4 days now. I can't break the streak. It's going to well. I think while I put on my shoes

Okay, have fun, don't be out for too long. Zoe said.

I left the tour bus. I put on my headphones and started listening to music. Full volume, of course. I walked through the streets. I found a cute park. I can maybe stop here for a while. Only that I can drink and get some more energy.

It was 11pm. I came back and the first thing I heard.

WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WE ALL WERE SO WORRIED?! Billie yelled at me. I can see she was on a bad mood.

I am sorry I didn't think how fast the time can go. I apologized.

Well now you ruined us all sleep so thank yourself y/n! Billie said angrily.

Fuck I did it again. I ruined something. I took my pajamas and went to the tour bus bathroom. Fuck the streak.

⚠️The little sharp thing. The metal I use. My best friend. My thoughts were right. They all weren't my friends. I slide the blade on my wrist. I see the blood dripping down to the floor. Fuck did I go too deep? And I don't even have bandages. Fuck yeah. Lucky me. After 3 cuts more I stopped. I knew this was wrong. Fuck why did I do this.⚠️ I put on the hoodie. Now pretend everything is okay. I walked out of the bathroom. I saw Billie, zoe, Jane and ava playing with the cards. None of them said anything to me. I went to the sleeping area. I went to my bunk bed. I went under the covers. I wanna cry. Let out all the pain. I hunted them. Now look what happened none of them talks to me. I started crying silently, but then I heard a scream.

EHY THE FUCK DOES THE TOUR BUS FLOOR HAVE BLOOD ON THERE?? Ava said. It wasn't angry yelling only worried. I know they all rushed there. But I couldn't face them. Then they could even guess who it was. Then I felt someone took off my blanket. It was Billie. She saw my teary eyes. I swear I saw a pang of sadness and guilty on her eyes.

Y/n come here. Billie said. I got up. Billie hugged my tight. I know I left a stain to her white t shirt.

I am sorry I yelled you. Are you okay? Billie asked.

Yeah I am I just thought that I hurted you all. I said quietly.

Billie is y/n ok- Billie you have blood stain on your t shirt!! Zoe said. Then Jane and ava came there too.

Huh what? Billie said, bur I can feel that she realized what had happened.

Y/n do you have any idea of the blood on the bathroom floor? Billie asked. I shook my head. I felt like little kid who just drew on the walls.

Ava was smart and took a piece on toilet paper and press in against my hoodie sleeves. And when she pressed to the one spot the toilet paper got blood on it. Oh shit I got caught. I can feel the panic inside me. Fuck fuck fuck. They are gonna leave me. I need to get out of this situation. I was just about to leave when Billie grabbed my hand and pulled my left arm sleeve up. And there it was the 4 fresh bleeding cuts. Fuck!

Uh.. I tried to speak but nothing came our of my mouth.

Y/n. Billie gasped.

Why didn't you tell you were cutting?? Billie asked. She was worried.

I..I.. uh Again I couldn't speak. Ugh what do I do. Tell them the truth. A lie. I couldn't even think any good lies on this time. Fuck! Why I was so dumb not to clean the floor! Fuck myself! Fuck fuck fuck!!

Y/n we are not mad just worried. Billie said.

Uh, it's a help to cope with my pain. I said. That was all I could get out of my mouth.

Y/n you need some serious help, maybe a therapist. Zoe said.

No, I know what she needs. I needed that too when I was struggling. Billie said. She gave me a warm hug. I started sobbing hard. She just stayed there. Soon, it turned into a group hug. They all weren't mad or left me alone.  They understood me. I thought they left me alone if I told them, but no. I really love that they didn't leave me. As I continued crying, I could hear Billie whispering sweet words to my ear. It helped me to relax.

After the whole episode, what just happened, they all helped me clean the cuts and put there bandages. They got me a black hoodie, which I changed. They took my blades away. First, I was like I can't give that them, but then I knew that it was for the best. Even if I miss the feeling blade crossing my skin, I wanna be clean. Luckily, my friends are helping me with that. I am lucky to have them.

A/n: one hug from Billie and all my problems would go away:/