Without them knowing

◉Chapter 12◉

"What do you mean? She won't be able to-- to feel love?" Lorcan asked with a confused glare.

The docter nodded sadly. "Yes, hate is something you also won't be able to feel. Compassion might be hard too. What do you feel right now Parker?"

"Numbness. I feel numb," I whispered, confused.

He nodded. "It's an empty feeling, isn't it?"

I nodded slowly.

"Is there anything we can do about it?" Harry asked with clenched jaw.

I stared at him confused. Why was he angry?

"I'm afraid not. That mate of hers has practically killed her," he turned to me. "Parker, you might be able to feel again in time. But unless your mate decides to have a change of heart or reject you, your heart may never restore fully. For now I suggest you take it easy. Don't force yourself to feel things. Throwing up blood is normal for now. But if you are still throwing up next month, please call me. As for you guys, all you can do is keep her away from bad things. Your heart is broken Parker, be careful, another heartbreak might be fatal."

I gave him a small okay and turned my head down, staring at my hands.

I knew this was coming. I was kind of hoping this would happen. But I hoped it would kill me.

It didn't.

And now I felt empty. Numb. Nothing besides confusion and dread.

"Parker are you hungry?"

I swallowed. "Am I allowed to eat?"

"Why the hell wouldn't you be?" growled Lorcan and glared at Elijah.

Elijah glared back at him, but luckily didn't say anything.

Not wanting a fight to break out I spoke. "Yeah. I really want sandwich."

Harry nodded. "I'll go down and make you one," he said and stood.

Lorcan stood up too. "I'll come with you. We'll be right back Parker."

Elijah and I were left alone. For a while neither of us spoke. But then Elijah cleared his troath and took a step closer.

"The pack house has been a mess without you," he said quietly.

"I'll start working again as soon as possible."

"No-- I," he sighed. "I've been a mess this past week too, Parker. I'm sorry."

He took a hold if my hand and squeezed. "Do you not feel anything at all?"

I shook my head.

His jaw clenched. "I missed you like crazy," he whispered. "You died. Your heart stopped beating. Twice. I had never been so scared in my whole life. I never left your side."

"What do you want me to say, Elijah?" I asked calmly. "You literally broke my heart."

"Parker, I'm sorry."

"If you're really sorry, you'll reject me."

He suddenly let go of my hand and growled. "No, I won't Parker. You are my mate--"

"No. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I never was. You don't want me. I'm not your mate Elijah. You never saw me as one. You don't want to wake up next to me. Hell, you don't even talk or look at me without scowling in front of the pack. So please, reject me."

He shook his head. "No. I'm sorry Parker, but I won't."

"Please," I begged. "Just reject me. You can continue living without me. You don't need me."