Without them knowing

◉Chapter 14◉

Today was my mate's birthday. Elijah was turning twenty and becoming Alpha. And I was still stuck in a hospital room. I could hear a lot of noise coming from outside. Al most all the pack members were helping with the preparation for the celebration party tonight. A party I won't be at. A party I didn't want to be at.

But of course Harry thought differently about that.

"You're going and that's final," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. He crossed his arms as he glared at me from across the room.

My lips formed into a dry smile. "Would you look at that. You're not even Beta yet and you're already bossing people around."

He did his best not to smile but then gave up and rolled his eyes. "Very funny. Now get up and go take a shower. You look awful."

"Thank you, Harry. That's just what every girl want's to hear," I said dryly and sat up straight. I was pretty sore from not moving for almost a whole week. I winced as I heard my neck creak. (Is that correct? LOL I honestly have no Idea.)

Harry rolled his eyes again. "You're really sarcastic today. How are you--" He paused for a second. His eyes searched my face for any signs of emotion. But when he found none he continued. "How are you feeling? Better then yesterday."

I looked down at my hands. "This is going to sound weird but-- crying gave me hope. I thought I was never going to cry again. Even if it were jus meaningless tears."

Harry ran a hand trough his blond hair. "It was not meaningless Parker," he told me with a sigh and sat down next to me. Taking my hand into his he looked me in the eyes. "Just because you didn't feel any reason, well emotion, to cry, doesn't mean you don't have any. You're not an empty shell--"

"Yet."

He glared at me and squeezed my hand tighter. "No, you won't ever become one. I won't let that happen. You know what I said Parker. Just reject him and leave with Lorcan."

I directed my eyes to the cold, white tiled floor and sighed. "Should I?"

He gave my hand another squeeze. "You should."

Was that really the best solution? I'll admit it. Ever since Harry told me what he thought yesterday I haven't thought about anythings also but to reject Elijah. I mean, would I be able to survive without him? Without him holding me at night? 

Even now, while I was laying in the hospital, he still sneaked in every night and held me until sunrise. I knew because I always was awake. I didn't let him notice that though. I always kept my eyes closed and my breathing even when he kissed my forehead and told me he was sorry. Not that it was hard. His words or kisses did nothing to me. 

No, that was a lie. They made me start thinking. And no matter how hard I tried I would still and up with Lorcan and his offer to leave. Whenever I tried to think of reason to stay all I came up with Harry. But he had told me to go. 

So there was really no reason to stay. Elijah didn't love me. He never would.  He wasn't going to reject me either. So it was all up to me.

All I had to do was reject Elijah and leave this Hell.

But why couldn't I? 

It was so easy. Just it was only four simple words. 'I reject you, Elijah.' But why wasn't I able to say those words when he held me last night? It would be quick and he wouldn't have aspected me to say it. 

I would be free.

I really wanted to be free.

"Ready to take a shower?" Harry's voice brought me back to reality and I nodded. Since all my muscles were really sore Harry had to help me stand up and assist me to the ensuite bathroom. HE gave me a doubtful stare when I started to close the door before him.