Without them knowing

◎Chapter 13◎

"Can I start working again today?" I asked Harry, trying to sound as nice as possible. 

I had been in bed for the last three days and I was starting to get restless. Only Lorcan and Harry came to visited and for the rest I was left alone to think. It was horrible. The doctor forbid me from forcing myself to feel but I couldn't help it. 

Every time I was alone I thought about Elijah. About all the hurt he had caused me. But I still felt nothing. It was starting to really scare me. Even when Lorcan and Harry did or said something nice, I didn't feel anything. I could see the disappointed look on their faces when I forced a smile and thanked them without really meaning it. 

I was starting to turn into a bitch. An ungrateful bitch. And I knew it.

"No," Harry answered quietly. 

I let out a frustrated breath and sat up straight. Without really meaning to I gave him a cold look that made him wince. 

"Sorry," I apologized. "I'm trying. It's really frustrating to be locked up here alone."

Harry winced again and a sigh left my lips.

"We don't lock you up, Parker. We just need you to-- get a little stronger. And you're not alone. Me and Lorcan are here for you," Harry told me and stood up. 

When I just kept staring at him he gave me a small encouraging smile and took my hand in his. "You'll get through this. You're strong Parker."

After a few minutes of silence I spoke up. "So, it's going to be a big day for you tomorrow. Since it's Elijah's birthday tomorrow. He's becoming Alpha, you're becoming Beta. How are you feeling?"

This time I winced when those last words slipped past my lips. Feeling was still a sensitive subject. 

"Excited," he replied, a grin appearing on his face as he ran a hand though his hair nervously. "I can't really believe it. I mean, I always knew I was going to be a Beta, but now it's just so-- real."

His eyes glimmered with proudness and I wasn't going to rain on his parade by being a bitch, so instead I gave him a small smile. "I'm happy for you."

He squeezed my hand. "I'm sure I'll be able to sneak you out of here tomorrow. You can't miss the ceremony."

"I'm not sure the pack wants me to go."

He huffed. "I'd like to see them try to do something. I'm going to be the Beta tomorrow. They'll have to listen to me."

I raised a brow. "Elijah is still your Alpha. You have to listen to him."

"I'm sure he'll agree with me. You should have seen him yesterday. A girl said something about you and if we hadn't pulled him off her on time she would be six feet under by now," Harry told me. "Not that I didn't agree with him. I wanted to kill that bitch myself."

I shrugged. "I'm used to it. You should jus ignore them."

A growl left his lips as he wildly shook his head. "No, you should't Parker. You're in so many ways better then them. You have to stand up for yourself Parker. Especially now. I don't want you to die."

"But--"

"No," he gripped me shoulders. "Stop pitying yourself. Stand up to that pathetic mate of yours for Christ sake. He's not worthy of you! You're killing yourself by acting so weak and you know it!"

Shocked from his outburst, my mouth dropped open. "Wha-- Harry are you alright?"

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, sitting back in the chair next to my bed. "I'm fine Parker. It's just so frustrating! I've seen you being treated like shit for your whole life! And you never once stood up for yourself!"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What? Never once stood up for myself? Maybe because every time I openend my mouth a fist came flying towards me! Maybe because I was all alone! You've watched me being beaten half to death by almost half the pack! You watched! Nobody ever once tried to stop the abuse! You all just stood there and watched! Do you have any idea just how many times I had to stitch myself back up just because a pack member wanted to play with a knife? I stitched myself up, all alone, Harry! Have you ever maybe once thought about that? Have you ever once thought that maybe I had a reason for not standing up from myself? My mate for instance! Maybe I never fought back because I would be thrown out of the pack? And then I would be separated from my mate, Harry!"

Harry jumped up. "So your doing this for him? For a mate that treats you like shit? For a mate whose actions have practically killed you? Are you a masochist or something, Parker? Have you ever maybe considered the idea that you are just using that as an excuse? You could've rejected him Parker! You could've said no! You're just afraid!" he screamed. 

"No, couldn't," I screamed back. "I can't because I love him!"

Harry angry expression instantly changed to a sad one. "Oh, Parker," he said with a sad sigh and sat next to me on the bed. He wiped my tears away with his thump. "It's going to be okay. You're going to get through this. I'm going to help you get through this."

I had no idea why I was crying. I wasn't sad, nor hurt. I was just angry, but not with Harry, but with myself. He was right. I had accepted long ago that Elijah was never going to be mine. I knew he was never going to return my feelings. I just used my feeling for him as an excuse. I let him toy with me because I was afraid.

"You're right," I sobbed into his chest. "I am afraid of losing him. I would have no shield anymore. Without him I would've no reason to stay here anymore! But what am I going to do then, Harry?"

He rubbed my back a few times and kissed my forehead. "You could have a wonderful life ahead of you. If you just reject him and went with Lorcan. You could live a better life, a much happier one."

Although, I didn't feel warm and fuzzy when he kissed my forehead, I still felt a little reassuring from his words. 

Maybe it was time to let Elijah go.

Phew, way more intense then I first indented to write... Eh, I had planned on them having an argument and Harry leaving and suddenly Parker is seeing the light.