Without them knowing

∞ Chapter 30 ∞

"So what exactly are we looking for?" I asked as Lorcan handed me another stack of photo's.

"An old family photo," he replied, scanning through the photo book in his hands. "It used to hang in the family room when I was little, but it got replaced."

"How am I supposed to find a photo I haven't seen before?"

"I have a feeling that you'll know what I'm talking about when you see it," he gave me a strange look before he looked back at the photos in his hands.

I had so many questions, but decided to ask them after we found what we were looking for. He seemed pretty keen on finding it, so I started going through the photos. Although I had no idea what I was supposed to find.

"That's a really cute picture of you," I said and showed him a picture of baby Lorcan dressed up as a sunflower.

He glanced at the picture and groaned. "I should just throw those away. It's way too embarrassing for an Alpha."

"It's not embarrassing. It are memories of your happy childhood, you should cherish those. I don't think there are any baby pictures of me." A frown appeared on my face as I felt an empty feeling settle in my stomach. "I don't think there are any pictures of me at all honestly."

Lorcan stopped with what he was doing and gave me a sad look. "Really no photos at all?"

I shook my head, which made him even sadder. Then he brightened up. "You know what? That's no big deal. From now on we'll take a photo of every event together."

I gave him a smile. "I'd like that. Thank you."

He smiled back at me before looking through the photo album again. It was silent for a while, as we were both looking through all the memories. I felt like an intruder. Those weren't my memories. Those people weren't my pack. They weren't my family. I was starting to feel uncomfortable. There were a lot of photos with Lorcan and his parents, all three of them were always smiling. They looked so happy.

I never felt like that. My childhood wasn't what you'd call a happy one. I barely had a childhood at all. Being happy was a feeling I hadn't experienced a lot.

Lorcan's excited scream pulled me from my thoughts. "I found it." He dropped everything he washolding except for a photograph and ran over to my side. "Look at this," he said and shoved it into my hands.

"What's this?" I asked. "Who are these pe..." I trailed of as my eyes scanned the picture. There were four people standing on it. One I recognized as Lorcan's grandma, but the others I didn't know. Although there was one, a woman, who looked so familiar.

"That are my grandparents and that's my father, the girl next to him is his sister, Julie." He pointed at each person as he named them. At the last one, he stopped and looked at me. He shook his head and took a step back. "This is just too weird," he mumbled as he looked at me up and down.

I frowned, an uneasy feeling building in my stomach. I knew what he was getting to, but it was way too hard to believe. "Lorcan, I-"

"You look exactly the same, Parker, exactly."

I put the picture down on the desk, but quickly glanced at the picture before looking at the floor. "I don't remember my parents. This can just be a coincidence."

Lorcan shook his head slowly and looked deep in thought. "It can't be a coincidence. You look almost exactly alike. Julie and her husband died eighteen years ago, Parker. It's possible."

"No." I leaned back on the desk. "This can't be. I have no memories of my parents Lorcan. I was-- I was just a baby. My parents could have been anyone. They could have been rogues for all we know."

Lorcan gave me a disbelieving look and started looking for another photograph, after a few moments of silence he apparently found what he was looking for. "Parker. You look exactly alike." He emphasized every word as he shoved another picture under my nose. "That's Julie and her husband."

I took the photo and stared a the couple. The women did truly look like me. Sure an older and slightly different version. But she still looked like me, a lot.

"We can't know this for sure. I mean, we don't have proof. I don't even know my date of birth or know my last name."

Lorcan frowned and looked at the picture again. "You're right. But we can do a DNA test though. If it's true, you and grandma share DNA."

I didn't know what to think. If it was true, then that meant Lorcan's grandmother, was mine too. Than the couple I was looking at would be my parents. My parents.

This was all just too much for me.

"Is it okay if we go do something else?" I asked him and placed the photograph back in the box.

He nodded his head. "Yeah sure, I could show you the rest of the packhouse and the grounds if you'd like?"

"Yeah, I would like that."

Lorcan's pack was enormous and just lovely. Everyone showed a great amount of respect for their Alpha and even treated me, a stranger, incredibly kindly.

I was not used to it. I was not used to it at all and Lorcan noticed it.

"We can go back and you could get some rest if you'd like? You look a bit uncomfortable," he said with a small smile. "Don't worry Parker. You'll get used to it. You deserve as much kindness as everyone else. Maybe even more."

I gave him a small smile and nodded. But I wasn't so sure about it. I mean, the only kindness I knew was when the pack wasn't as hungry so there were more leftovers. And of course those moment that Elijah was nice to me.

Suddenly Thorn appeared besides us. "Alpha, Parker," he said and bowed. I couldn't help but notice how formal he was to Lorcan in the presence of others. "Elijah has been asking to see you." He looked at me when he said the last part.

I nodded and followed him and Lorcan to Elijah his room. Harry was sitting outside of the room and the moment he saw us he sprung upright.

"Parker." Harry gave a relieved sigh. "Elijah keeps demanding to see you and it is exhausting. He always wants to get up, but he is still healing, so Thorn and I had to tie him down."

I glanced at the door and suddenly the nerves raged through me again. Elijah couldn't leave the hospital bed because he wasn't healing. Because his wolf was rejecting him. Because of me. The worst part was that I wasn't nervous because I felt guilty. No, I was nervous because I had to tell him the truth.

"I'll go in," I said and cleared my throat. "Alone." I added after I saw Lorcan moving towards the door.

"What? No. I don't want you alone with him," he protested.

I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I doubt it looked believable. "Don't worry, he won't hurt me."

I think.

I didn't look at them as I walked into the room and closed the door behind me.

Elijah was glaring at the window. But his head snapped towards me the moment he noticed my presence.

My wolf howled at the sight of my hurt mate.

"Parker," he rasped. The bandages around his throat were colored red and at the state of his bed and his clothes, it looked like he had put up quite the fight. "You weren't here when I woke up. I freaked out. All I saw was Harry and Thorn their stupid faces."

I swallowed and took a stap closer to his bed. "Yeah, I wasn't sure if you wanted me here." I also didn't want to be here, but I didn't say that out loud. My wolf howled in pain at that thought.

He looked confused and a little angry. He tried to lift up his hands to reach out to me, but the chains wouldn't allow him. Letting out a frustrated breath, he closed his eyes before opening them again. "Why wouldn't I want you here?"

I looked at his face and then at his throat again. He didn't know. He didn't know that his own wolf wasn't allowing him to heal. "Because you aren't healing. Because of me."