Smile Code (Lost Laughter) 失笑 - Zhu Le 祖乐

28

The squashed melon is not sweet, I want to eat it with sauce.

Guan Xingxin liked sitting face to face with Yu Dule in the bathtub. The loft wasn't very big, so when they squeezed together, parts of their bodies always touched, like conjoined twins. Yu Dule found the joke boring. The woman, clearly distant, always liked to make playful jokes about being close. Guan Xingxin splashed water, and the foam in the bathtub grew more and more. Yu Dule asked, "Why do you always make so much foam? It's hard to clean."

"Don't you feel ashamed seeing each other's bodies in the water after doing that kind of thing?"

"You were the one who provoked me just now," Yu Dule said, pinching Guan Xingxin's waist under the water, delighting in hearing her dissatisfied pout.

"I want to cut my hair short."

"Why?"

"My family likes it, but I actually think it's troublesome. When I sleep, my hair gets pressed, and when I shower, I have to move it around back and forth, it's annoying."

"Don't you think long hair is part of who you are?"

"I think so. That's why I want to cut it off, like a hero cutting off their wrist."

"Now that you've brought it up, why not tell me more about your family? You seem to dislike them. Do your parents control you strictly?"

"Sort of. My family is too complicated. If I tell you, it would... ruin the relationship." Guan Xingxin poked Yu Dule's chest. "I still want to date you, without the constraints of family."

"But I want to date you for a long time, for marriage."

Guan Xingxin leaned back against Yu Dule's chest and kissed his neck. "Dule, my family... as soon as marriage is mentioned, they get hysterical and picky about people. If we don't have a certain level of affection, bringing up marriage would just make us break up. Let's not talk about this anymore."

"I was joking," Yu Dule said with a mischievous laugh. "Don't you feel it-whenever we talk seriously, I don't react."

The best communication between them seemed to happen in bed. They were in sync, finding the positions that brought each other the most pleasure, and they could also find the traits in each other that attracted them, as a form of desire. Yu Dule leaned against the headboard, watching Guan Xingxin, who had fallen asleep tiredly. He seemed unable to sleep as easily, a habit formed from his long nights editing films and managing the bar, so he could have long nights to observe her. She was beautiful, really beautiful. Her skin was translucent, not a pore in sight, and her straight nose with a slightly drooping tip gave her an aristocratic air. She was fragile, too, her brows slightly furrowed as if she had been wronged by the whole world.

She was more complicated than he thought. The emotions hidden under the surface were hard to guess. He had initially thought she only wanted him as a bed partner, and in their intimacy, he had been somewhat rough. But then, seeing the marks at the door and the strange take-out deliveries-videos of their hotel room, the lingering traces of her life-he realized that she was scared, yet didn't dare let him become her boyfriend.

This made him very sad-she was so pitiful, and he wasn't good enough.

Guan Xingxin was someone who didn't like talking about herself. Even when Yu Dule was curious, all he heard were superficial details-she had learned painting and the electronic keyboard from a young age, studied at a private middle school for six years, and then went to Shanghai for both undergraduate and master's degrees. She was excellent and privileged, never worried about money. Yu Dule was more open, saying his dad worked as a civil servant and his mom ran a small guesthouse, which was considered quite prosperous in their small town. He joked often, saying that if he didn't do well, he would return home to inherit the family business. Although he couldn't afford a big house in Shanghai, he could make use of every bed in his family's guesthouse. Guan Xingxin only said, "No, in a small town everyone is the same, and no one would appreciate a unique talk-show actor." In short, everything she said was praise.