Smile Code (Lost Laughter) 失笑 - Zhu Le 祖乐

63

You're not showing me the sunrise, you're trying to harvest my kidneys.

"Hello everyone, I'm Gu Yi. It's been a long time since I got into Ounce's open mic. It's so hard to get in, competing with all you people who have the privilege of being Ounce regulars. But recently, I have a stronger title that none of you probably have: I'm now the first person in China banned from global performances."

"Two months ago, due to my desire for quick success, I signed with a stand-up comedy company. So now I have an agency, and I'm a proper artist. But after signing the contract and getting the so-called prestigious status, I realized that being an artist means you personally lay out the floor paper, design the brochures, and do the promotional materials. The floors at the performance venues are laid by me and other actors, and my boss saw the brochure and said it was prettier than the magazine pages I've done—how do they say it? Skilled people are daring. Anyway, besides jokes, my other skills have soared, and now I'm an artist with calloused hands."

"Let me get back on track. The global performance ban happened because I was in the middle of a contract termination dispute. They promised me they'd make me a leading female figure in Chinese stand-up, and we practiced our jokes in a setting where there were less than five audience members. Every time we performed, we sat in a circle around the audience, afraid they'd run away. We were so enthusiastic that we'd even buy perfume samples and hand cream out of our own pockets, hoping to attract some younger people, but more often than not, we ended up with middle-aged women. Later, the company finally arranged a commercial performance for us—52 actors in the group, competing for one spot at a restaurant in Qibao. Can you imagine that? Even in such a small agency, they've adopted a 'wolf culture.' Some actors fought over this spot, and in the end, only three got to go. Each of them made 66 yuan."

"What finally made me decide to terminate my contract? I got a commercial gig at a western restaurant in Jing'an Temple, the performance fee was 300 yuan. I decided to keep that money for myself. But the company didn't agree, threatening to ban me from performing globally. I was puzzled for a moment—did I miss a 'million' when we talked? Why are they making such a big fuss over a few hundred yuan? This is Shanghai, an international modern metropolis! Then I received the global performance ban letter, and it hit me that I was still in Shanghai. As a small-time actor, I couldn't even find a spot two meters under the entertainment industry's pyramid, yet I received a global performance ban. International superstars don't even get this kind of treatment! I suddenly felt like I was more important than Taylor Swift."

"This morning, I was still in arbitration, and the other party refused to terminate the contract. They were shocked because my boss said: 'Is this really one of our company's artists?' The speech about becoming the leading figure in the industry wasn't just said to me. When I questioned the lack of commercial performances, they thought having one a month was reasonable. They also wanted to introduce their own opportunities to the platform and take a cut. After all, they're entertainment agents, managing resources for the actors. My only request was termination, because the trust was gone. But they said: 'No, Gu Yi, we still trust you.' Yeah, where else could you find a stand-up comedian who will make posters, lay down floor paper, and even give out free gifts to clients? You guys not only trust me, you want me to be your father."

"Stand-up comedy is precious, at least it's our corner of the soul. Although most of the time we hate ourselves and our own material, I'm really telling you from the heart—be careful when signing contracts, or you'll end up like me, stuck in a 'divorce' I can't escape, tormented by a deadbeat company."

The crowd went wild. Gu Yi thought, even during a breakup, she had never received such loud applause. Full house applause is definitely something you earn through hardships. While returning the microphone, an audience member suddenly shouted: "Why does a woman have to stand up and talk about lawsuits?" Gu Yi immediately recognized the typical male chauvinist tone, the same kind of person Liang Daiwen had encountered before and almost got hit with a bottle. This time, she wasn't going to let it slide: "Just so I don't have to deal with idiots like you who try to lecture me from above."