Not now

I need you

I was walking alone when I realized that I had feelings for Gerard.

Fuck.
No!

I cant... I mean...
He has a fucking girlfriend. It hurts me. Only a little.

Or a lot.

Why is he with her?
Lindsey.
She never even talks to him... She only makes out with him, and probably tries to get her hands down his pants every fucking chance she gets.

No. I cant say these things about Gerard's girlfriend. He probably loves her very much. She is probably the girl of his dreams. She makes him happy. Yeah.

But I want to be the one that makes him happy...

I want to be the one to kiss his lips.

Me.
Only me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got home to find my mom taking a nap, so I made myself a sandwich, since she didn't cook anything.

My mom knows Im gay.
She doesn't mind or care.

After I finished eating, I went to my room and did some homework.
I didn't finish all of it because all I could really think about is Gerard, not math.

I felt an urge.

An urge I always get when I feel depressed.

I was about to reach for my book that kept my blade in, until I remembered something... I promised Gerard that I wouldn't harm myself anymore.
I cant break my promise to him.

I will stay strong,

for Gerard.

I put my book that held my blade, back under my bed, since I didn't need what was inside.

Cutting was the sensation I needed,

but now I have Gerard. I don't need to hurt myself.

Gerard was basically the only thing keeping me strong. We're already really close, and Its been a week and half since we met.

I hate everyone.
But Gerard is not like everyone, as fucking corny as that sounds.

I heard a knock on my door.
It was my mom.

"Come in"
I yell loud enough for her to hear me.
I was sitting on my bed 'doing homework.'
Which is key word for 'thinking about Gerard.'

"Frank, honey, did you eat? I didn't make dinner tonight, because I had to pick some things up at work, and came back and took a nap."

"Yeah, I made a sandwich. Im good mom, thanks."

I replied, while looking down at my homework, pretending I was concentrating.

After she left the room, I put my unfinished homework in my bag, and started getting ready for bed.

I looked over at my clock that read
10:19 pm

I tried to go to sleep, I just couldn't.
I felt too sad to even sleep.

1:07 am

Gerard, where are you? I need you by my side right now.

3:49 am

Please tell me everything is going to be okay.

5:26 am

Lindsey probably sleeping over your house.
You probably have her wrapped up in your arms, keeping her warm.

Gerard, Im freezing.
Come cuddle me.