Not now

I need your closure

I ran over to the phone to see a familiar name appear on the screen.

Gerard was calling.

I have never felt happier. I was anxious to answer.

"H- hello?"
I stuttered. I was nervous.

"Frank. Meet me on the sidewalk that leads to the park tomorrow at 3. I have to talk to you. See you then. Bye."
He hung up.

He sounded so cold.

So distant.

I was scared.
I as nervous.
I felt sick.

Something was definitely not right.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in my room when my mom knocked on the door.

"Come in." I yell.

"Frank, is something wrong? You haven't been talking to me as much lately. Its been months since we had a full on conversation."
My mom surprisingly sounded worried.

"Im fine. Don't worry mom."
I gave her a weak smile.

I spent the whole day on my bed, feeling numb.

I felt angry.

Why does Gerard have to talk to me?

Oh, yeah. Thats right.
Because he knows he has been ignoring me for months on months.

As mad as I was, I was happy to hear his voice.

I fell asleep, depressed.

I was on spring break. Thank god.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I get to see my boyfr- Gerard.
I get to see Gerard.

I told my mom I was going to the park and that I would be back soon. She didn't ask any questions. Thank god.

It was chilly and cloudy outside.
Sad weather.

It matched my mood perfectly.

I was happy to see Gerard.

What if he asked me to run away with him? And what if we fall into more love? I was excited. I missed him.

I turned the corner to see Gerard standing there.

I approached him with a smile.

He didn't smile back.
He looked shy. My stomach turned.

"Hey... Gerard. So, um? What do you need to tell me?"
I said with a shaky voice.

He had that look in his eye... I have never seen it before...

"Frank. I- I have no idea how to tell you t- this..."
He started to cry.

I was so nervous, my heart was about to beat out of my chest.

"Gerard... You're scaring me... Please stop"
I started backing away from him slowly.

"I don't know if I should te-"

I cut him off. I was furious. And my eyes were getting wet.

"NO. You WILL fucking tell me. I have been killing myself slowly every single fucking day because of you"

I was screaming and crying. Gerard looked scared.

"... YOU DECIDED ONE DAY TO FUCKING IGNORE ME? I FUCKING CUT MY SKIN UP WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK BUT YOU NEVER DID. YOU SAID FOREVER AND ALWAYS!!! I WANT TO BE YOUR BABY FOREVER!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM? AM I A FUCKING TOY TO YOU, GERARD, IS THAT WHAT IT IS?"

I scared myself.
Gerard was crying like a toddler.

"F- frank, p- please stop, you're not making this any easier."
Gerard sounded upset.

"Gerard, you better tell me right now, Im not fucking playing around anymore. Cut the bullshit right now."
I sounded cold. I sounded hurt. Because I was.

"Me and Lindsey had sex."