Everywhere, Everything. ★ STURNIOLO TRIPLETS

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Time suspended in those seconds where I watched him watch me. Every piece clicking into place in his head. That's the funny thing about finally getting the answer you already know - there's no more speculating, no more hiding. It's all out in the open.

And everything changes.

Chris reached for me and I side stepped his touch. "It's okay," I laughed dryly, "you don't have to do that."

The muscles in his jaw were working overtime. He stepped forward again. "Nat -"

"Chris," I interrupted, putting my hand on his chest, keeping him at a safe distance. "This doesn't have to be a thing. We don't have to make these conversations mean anything more than what they are. You were being honest. So was I. That's it."

He was looking for a sign that said I wanted him to hold me, or maybe one that confirmed I was just trying to "be strong," either way he wasn't going to find one.

"Besides, I thought you said you were here to be my distraction. Why don't we leave the saviour complex to your brother," I snapped.

As soon as I said it, my eyes went wide. Oh, fuck.

"C-Chris," I stammered.

Of all the things that could've come out of my mouth, why did it have to be comparing him to Matt? Disbelief washed across his face and he stumbled back a step, colliding with the side of an end table. I froze, my hand over my mouth.

Sounds of wheels clacking over the entryway, and muffled laughter mixed with half-intelligible conversations faded into the background. All I heard was my heartbeat pulsing in my ears as I waited for Chris to say something, anything.

He took a few steadying breaths before meeting my eyes. I braced myself. "That's fine, Nat. I'll be whoever you need me to be. A friend. A shoulder to cry on. A distraction."

I tried to cut him off but he kept going. "But just so we're clear - I know you think you're protecting yourself, hell, some part of you probably believes you're protecting us too, but at some point you're going to have to realize you're not the only person with something to lose here."

His voice was colder than I'd ever heard it and it made my bottom lip tremble. This wasn't a game of chess, Chris wasn't a pawn that I could move any which way I liked - none of them were, yet, here he was telling me that he was willing to let me treat him as such.

The sentiment made me light-headed. No one deserved to have that much power over somebody else, least of all me. Why couldn't he see that?

I blinked at the painted ceiling, urging my body to keep the tears at bay. At another point in my life I would have handled this situation by pretending as though nothing happened so we could go back to fake- flirting with each other and tiptoeing around the undeniable truth that our relationship had shifted in one way or another. That's what mom would do.

A cold gust of wind whisked through the lobby behind Nick and Matt as they approached slowly, weighed down by our bags and camera equipment. Nick squinted at us from a distance.

If I walked away right now it would put an end to this back and forth, will-they-won't-they dance Chris and I seemed to be stuck in. One minute we were normal, ordinary, and the next I was coming completely undone, feeling everything all at once. It was disorienting. And confusing. And I was having difficulty pinpointing what it meant because nothing made sense anymore.

Chris studied the row of gold-plated candlestick holders lining the stone mantle beside him. My fingers came down loosely around his.

"Will you look at me, please?" I could hardly get the words out around the lump in my throat. His eyes were glassy and dark, laden with emotion neither one of us knew how to articulate. I sucked in a breath.