Everywhere, Everything. ★ STURNIOLO TRIPLETS

CHAPTER TWENTY

A white cotton shirt clung to wet spots along Chris's torso, accentuating the curves of his chest and waist. The gray waistband of his boxers peeked out beneath the fabric as he raked his hands through his hair.

"What'd I miss?" Faint footprints trailed behind him in the carpet from his damp feet as he pulled his bag onto the armchair.

I side-eyed Nick. He may have felt comfortable enough to talk about Carter, but that didn't mean Matt or Chris did and that wasn't my call to make.

Plopping on the edge of his bed and sending the perfectly arranged pillows forward, Nick waved his hand. "Other than me complaining about how ungodly annoying you are? Nothing."

Chris shot a glare over his shoulder and the pressure building in my lungs released slowly. I followed Nick's lead.

"Don't worry," I fell back on the other bed, "I already knew that." Matt smiled to himself, walking past to set down two large paper bags atop the desk parallel to the television. Tiny splotches of oil seeped through their bottoms.

I sat up on my forearms. The clean, soapy aroma coming from Chris, and the bathroom, was quickly masked by the stench of deep-fried chicken tenders and french fries as Matt splayed out to-go boxes along the length of the desk. My skin immediately felt greasy.

"Thanks for going down to get all this," I said to his back. He turned around with a french fry halfway to his mouth.

"Of course." Our fingers brushed faintly as he handed over my food.

It may not have shown on my face, but I was looking at him differently. As ridiculous as it sounded, it felt like I was seeing him, all of them, in perfect clarity for the very first time. I hadn't realized that looking at them before was fuzzy - their edges out of focus so slightly it was almost imperceptible, but knowing what I knew now sharpened the image to high-definition. All I wanted to do was watch them. Take in all the miniscule details I'd overlooked.

The three of them sat cross-legged on the carpet in a semicircle. Nick and Chris's spines were pressed against the foot of the bed and Matt sat supported by the leg of the desk. I don't know how long I sat there, my food going cold in my lap, staring at the crinkles beside their eyes as they laughed at something I missed.

"What are you doing over there?" Chris's voice cut through the daze, his eyes twinkling in the lamp light as he tilted his head back on the bed to look at me.

I held his eyes momentarily and the corners of his lips twitched upward. Matt opened up space for me between him and Nick; I fit myself into it. His attention flicked from Nick to me, the world's gentlest smile gracing his lips before returning to the conversation with his brother. In my chest, a weightlessness unfolded.

⎯

I stood beneath the scorching spray of the shower head far longer than I should have. Angry red blotches formed along my collarbone and above my breasts. A lifetime seemed to have passed since I had a moment to myself, so I took my time applying thick layers of complementary lotion along my still damp body.

Miscellaneous bottles of cologne and deodorant, things I didn't even know men needed, or used, like pomade and a balm for post-shaving, were scattered along the porcelain countertop. All of the products combined could have made up a Bath & Body Works.

I sniffed one of the fragrances; fresh notes of salty air and coastal woods washed over me, tickling my nose. I placed the glass bottle back in its place beside the others, my fingerprints making a home in the condensation.

Goosebumps shot up my legs as my exposed thighs made contact with the closed lid of the toilet. I perched on it, staring at my distorted reflection in the foggy mirror. It was the in-between moments like this, when my brain had a chance to catch up to all of the changes I'd been through recently, that I felt most vulnerable.