Everywhere, Everything. ★ STURNIOLO TRIPLETS

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Matt's clammy palms stuck to my damp cheeks. He stared at me for a beat. Two. His thumb caught a stray tear before a cold breeze hit me across the face, sending a pile of leaves up around us.

He blinked down at me, shaking his head. "I know you don't mean that."

Except, I did. Until now, I hadn't realized how much my mother's disdain affected me as a child. All those years spent being told I was unworthy and difficult to love manifested itself into something far worse than low self-esteem. Without even knowing it, I'd harbored all of my mother's most dangerous qualities and kept them tucked inside myself as an arsenal until it was time to show what I was made of.

Water pooled into a puddle to the left of us. I looked muddied and worn out in the brown liquid, but more like Daniela than ever before. Normally, that would sicken me. Make me want to crawl out of my skin and burn the flesh till there was no trace of her left on my body. Only, it was never about the way I looked. Even if we didn't physically resemble each other, I would always carry her in my blood. I was the fucked up daughter of a fucked up daughter. There was no use in denying it anymore.

Twigs snapped beneath my sneakers. I aimed my words where I knew they'd cut the deepest. "I would rather be alone than be with you."

Each word sliced through the air sharper than the serrated leaves circling us like a tornado. I don't know if the searing pain in my ribs was from remorse for what I said or if the adrenaline coursing through my veins was becoming too much for my heart to handle, but what I do know is that I have a high tolerance for pain. And if I was going to hurt, so was he.

Matt fiddled with the true north ring on his index finger, spinning it over and over like it had the ability to lead him towards the right thing to say.

He told me once that that ring served as a reminder for him to always stay true to himself. When millions of strangers perpetuate rumors and false narratives about who you are, it's easy to let them become true. That tiny piece of jewelry provided him with levity. An internal compass that, even when external circumstances changed, remained constant, guiding him.

Bullshit.

I was right under his nose. "Say something," I ordered and he took four steadying breaths. The heat rolling off our bodies was enough to start a brush fire. He said nothing. I pushed him. "Say something!"

The force caught him off guard, making him stumble back a half-step. I shoved him again, and he caught my wrist between his calloused fingers and held it steady above his heart. I fixated on the shock from his ring chilling the underside of my pulse.

This morning I would have blushed at our proximity, the way we could feel each other's erratic heartbeats as if they were tangible belongings in our hands meant solely for the other. Deep down I could tell he expected me to come apart easily, be the starved-for-love girl he cradled in his lap after waking from nightmares or could protect from prying eyes on the Internet. That girl was soft and naive.

And not his to hold anymore.

"Don't do that," he lowered his voice so only I could hear, keeping me close.

I tried to ignore the smell of mint on his breath and how his tone made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge. The pit in my stomach opened wider. He didn't deserve to affect me like this, to affect me at all. My fingers flexed around his black cotton tee. I wouldn't be surprised if he had claw marks underneath the fabric. "Do what?"

"Push me away."

I stiffened. Somewhere in the distance a dog barked incessantly and the faint metallic tink of a chain link fence echoed in the wind. I yanked my arm away with more force than necessary. "Maybe you should've thought of that before lying to me."

He raked his hands wildly through his hair and down his face. "God, Nat, I was doing what I thought was right! Don't you get that? Sure, in the end it wasn't the best decision, but I was working with what I had - what I knew you'd react to. So, don't sit here and act like you haven't been waiting for a reason to walk away. To push me out."

We were so past the point of angry crying, I wanted to put my fist through the retaining wall. Instead, I kicked a pine cone and sent it off into a nearby bush. "I haven't been waiting!" My voice grated against my throat. Is that what he really believed? "Do you seriously think I would have kissed you if I planned on running from whatever the hell this is? God! I knew better. I knew better and I ignored it because I wanted so badly for you to prove me wrong. But you can't love someone into being more than who they are, can you?"

If you could, I wouldn't have been here in the first place.

At the top of the driveway, Nick gasped behind his hand. I wasn't sure at what point he and Chris had come outside, but it didn't matter, they were here now and I'd said it without meaning to. Chris went ashen, and a dagger punctured my lungs.

Had our time together really been nothing more than a web spun out of secrets? One after another, little by little, each of us kept vital pieces of information too close to the chest until we ended up here, trapped in our own demise?

I wanted nothing more than to believe that all of this was trivial, a series of little white lies that surely could be overlooked, but it didn't feel that way.

A rusted Ford pickup ambled past, drowning out our misery with dead leaves crunching beneath its tread. Static from an FM radio seeped through its cracked windows as clouds of dust followed the taillights long after they were lost to the treeline.

There was something devastatingly fitting about the way we looked out here. Streaks of mascara pooled around my chin. Unshed tears turned Matt's eyes to gunmetal. Chris refused to look at me. Nick did nothing but.

The sun's setting light silhouetted us on the blacktop, our shadows casting in all directions.

I almost laughed at the irony of it all: the four of us pretending this fantasy would last after meeting during a season known for death.

Our first night in the cabin, Matt and I had laid awake staring up at these same trees as their autumnal reds and golds glowed through midnight darkness, brimming with life. They felt formidable then. Their presence a life force to be reckoned with. Now, their limbs were split wood outstretched and empty, reminding me that all good things must come to an end.

"Not everyone is your mom and dad," Matt said through clenched teeth. Something heavier than sadness weighed down his shoulders. At one point, I would've believed him, but that's the thing with trust - once it's broken, even if you mend it - it's never quite the same.

I turned towards the barren trees dotting the other side of the road and wrapped my arms around myself. "And some people are."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi lovelies! I know this chapter is pretty short, but the next one will be a bit longer and will also most likely be the last one for a while *insert sobbing emoji* Thank you endlessly for reading (and re-reading!) this book and supporting me/these characters. Sending all my love to you! <3 Don't forget to vote & comment xoxo N