Heartbound Part Two (Lovestruck Series)

Day 21.3 | N/E

#HeartboundWP

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Day 21.3 | N/E

NADIA HAS BEEN holding her phone for hours now since the second she woke up. Maaga siyang nagising ngayong araw. Her sleep was interrupted around 2 a.m. when Yanyan's phone rang tapos hindi nito sinasagot. She woke up again at around 6 a.m., and checked her schedule for the day on her phone, at dapat babalik muna sa tulog but her fingers were itching to click on her social media folder and stalk someone there.

She thinks that letting herself do it is setting herself up in a trap of falling back into a bad habit that would lead her to an unfavorable ending she's already way too familiar with. But it's just so hard to fight the urge. Lalo na na it seems inconsequential.

Because what harm would it bring her to spend a few minutes scrolling through his profile? Wala rin namang kalaman-laman iyon. She would just be looking at the same set of photos she had already seen when he first accepted her friend request. May mangyayari bang masama after? Aside from maybe damaging her eyesight from holding her phone too close to her face because she feels like someone is watching her cyberstalk a guy and judging her from doing so, wala nang iba pa. She would go about her day, and the world would continue spinning. Or at least, that's what she wants to believe.

Maybe it's in our nature to turn a blind eye when it comes to our bad habits. Because if it truly wouldn't cause her harm, she wouldn't be thinking about it this much. She wouldn't be defending herself in an imaginary court and convincing them that it's something trivial. She sighs, brings herself up, and slams her phone screen down on the bedside table.

Maybe she shouldn't have sent that friend request in the first place. See? All it takes is one bad move to get the bad sequence played out again, just one wrong turn to end up back in the place that she had just left. She hasn't even unpacked all the boxes she brought from when she first walked away, and yet, she's there by the door again and ready to set them back down.

She gets out of bed around 9 a.m. Yanyan left early, so no one is around to judge her nang pabalik-balik pa rin siya sa phone niya while eating her breakfast, which is half a sandwich that Yanyan left on the dining table probably for herself later pero inunahan na niyang kainin.

Nadia has made up her mind. Tutal ay blangko naman ang Sabado niya, she would just head out. The unit is starting to feel stuffy, and the contained space is making it difficult to resist picking up her phone and doing things she shouldn't do. She still grabs her phone off the table, but only to set an app limit for safety measures.

She stares at herself in the mirror after fixing herself up. She would be lying if she said that he's no longer in her head; that's not going to come easy just because she's not fixated on her phone and fighting the urge to message him.

Can anyone blame her, though? She used to have plans with him during weekends when he didn't have class. Ilang buwan din iyon even if it's on-and-off, and whenever they're on, she had fun. She liked spending time with him—lazy breakfasts, late lunches, or dinner not-dates. Bawal bang ma-miss? Is it a crime to do so?

She can imagine Lev giving her a disapproving look if she knew what was going on in her head right now, but seriously, it's not like she can do anything about the feeling. Maybe one day they would stop. But for now, it's here and she's soaking up on it. That's just the way she is.

So, bahala na muna. She takes a familiar turn while driving, leading her to the mall she has only been to once thus far. A few days ago when she was here, hindi naman niya inasahan that she would see him, but she did just fine, right? Maybe she's much stronger than she makes herself out to be.