Thick As Blood {A Menendez Brothers Fic}

34. Rehearsal

(August 20th, 1989)
The silence of Elm Drive was interrupted by the sound of gunfire from two separate houses that night, acts of betrayal and pain being inflicted on the ones who utterly destroyed their children's lives by committing such horrific atrocities against them. Neither murder was planned for that specific night, but instead, as a defense mechanism in their brains that this would be the last night the group of four kids who'd been trying to survive their parents evil schemes and abuse, would live. They had to act fast.

With a racing heart and troubled mind, I fled out the front door into the silence that surrounded Elm Drive on a typical night, not knowing that the two most important men in my life were on the verge of the same act I had committed. The faint sound of a harsh impact could be heard from their driveway, the same sound I'd endured mere minutes before my arrival. Suddenly, their front doors flew open with a gun wielding Erik to greet me, his face completely ashen. And that's when I knew, our plan had changed dramatically. We weren't taking the abuse any longer. We couldn't.
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(August 3rd, later in the night)
Ava could never know the plan we had set in motion. Far too young to understand the consequences of what we were doing, I didn't want to subject her to any of it. She definitely shouldn't be underestimated. She's one smart cookie. But, she would never understand the reasoning for her sissy being romantically involved with two men at the same time. I didn't want her to ever think that's actually okay.

"Ava is safe and sound at home, Ana. Helen is always looking out for her. I promise nothing will happen to her, or you. Trust me." Lyle said from across the table we found ourselves at during a late night trip to the Cheesecake Factory, a place we've been coming to since the beginning of our relationship to each other. Ordering the white chili with wheat bread and a water, I managed to take slow bites of each to satisfy my hunger that I don't usually tend to now a days.

"So is this considered a date, Lyle?" I humorously said while taking a sip of my water, our eye contact rather strong for the moment. It was such strange territory, being in a situation such as this. Lyle, who was still very much in a relationship, as well as I, felt compelled to make this act seem very real. We couldn't allow for anyone to doubt it. Which was another plan we set in motion. My therapy sessions. I would explain to Dr. Oziel that I'm actually seeing two men instead of one, knowing word would eventually reach my father on the matter. I would go in depth. And there was no coming back from it once I did.

"You know I'm not opposed to taking you on a date, Ana banana. I know we have to clarify boundaries. I know you've expressed concerns with you and I in the past. Are you going to be okay doing this?" With as much curiosity as he could possibly avoid hiding, I gazed into his dark brown eyes to see a glimmer of hope lingering within his irises. I knew how he felt about me, and had since the moment we met. I know it's never been innocent thoughts he's had of me, considering the mere way he kissed me that night on the beach. The way his hand laced around the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair to inch us that much closer to one another. It was a need. A deeply imbedded need he couldn't deny.

"Yes. We're adults. We know what we're doing isn't exactly ethically correct. But, it's what we need to do in order to beat them at their own game. No matter what we end up having to do, it's okay." Knowing I was already more than taken care of, I eased into the conversation for the first time since it had began. To seem that much more convincing, Erik remained at home while we came here to make it seem as if something was going on, our parents eventually noting Lyle wasn't home. And neither was I.

"Then let's start with the first test. How do you actually view me, Ana? I know you tell me as a brother, a friend, a protector. And where I always will be that for you, you know my view on you. And it's not as a sister. Brothers don't look at their sisters the way I look at you....." His tone husky in nature from the mere topic at hand, I felt utterly helpless to my feelings. My true feelings. Erik is the beacon of light within my world that I've always been dreaming of. He's my first love, my first..... everything. I could never betray him. But Lyle? I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something for him as well. Looking back at the many times with him, Lyle has more than shown his true intentions with me. He didn't hide the fact, even when he was trying to mask the pure pain in his beautiful, brown eyes.

"And how do you look at me....?" I lowly asked, almost as if I was too scared to know the answer. Even when I knew that I already did know.

"As a beautiful woman who I'm more than attracted to." His candor was so clear in that moment, telling me what he's always wanted to say, but felt compelled to keep it to himself. Except for when he'd let hints slip when he'd sneak a kiss to the corner of my mouth, the subtle way he would touch the small of my back to help ease me, guiding me into situations that caused me extreme anxiety, the way he always looks out for me no matter what.

"You clearly don't understand how much of an impact you've had not only on Erik, but me. I don't want to hurt my little brother. You know that. But—but how can I stop myself now from being near you? And not just in a brotherly way." My attention was solely focused on him in that moment, the mere way he was speaking to me enough to render me speechless. These are things he's bottled up for so long, things he knew he couldn't say without risking pain being inflicted on Erik. But with this plan? We had to be real with ourselves. We were playing a very, very dangerous game by doing this, risking everything to just stay together. This was so Erik and I could remain close together because let's face it, I can't be away from him. And I certainly couldn't be away from Ava. She'd be devastated.

"Since we're being brutally honest here, I will tell you the actual truth. When we kissed, I lingered because—because I couldn't stand to stop. I knew it was utterly wrong to do something like that to Erik. That's why I ran and told him right away. I felt guilty for my feelings......." But even i couldn't keep up this lie that I felt nothing during said kiss. Or that I felt nothing at all for Lyle. I love him. I didn't lie about that. I never have. Just about the extent of it. But my heart was so confused, full of conflicting emotions for the two men that have done nothing but protect me, be there for me, love me.

"That's because you're the most amazing woman, Ana. You don't want to hurt anyone. I would be worried if you weren't so concerned about Erik. I know you love him. I can tell just by how you look at each other that this is real love. You have such a deep connection with one another. But so do we." Never knowing that night just how deep we'd go to make this work, the actions we'd take to be extremely convincing, Lyle and I came to an agreement. Chemistry wasn't a problem. Because we clearly have it. The main task at hand was to come off as extremely lustful for one another. This pure desire for sexual intimacy that couldn't be denied. And we would certainly dish that up.
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(August 4th, 3:00 am)
Laying within the warm embrace of Erik's more than comforting arms within the confines of my bed, his soft lips leaving gentle kisses to my forehead in such a loving manner. An act of pure passion occurred mere moments upon my arrival back at home, finding him comfortably sitting atop my bed, anxiously awaiting my return.

"Erik....?"

"Hmmm?" He softly hummed in a moment of euphoric bliss we both needed, finding that within each other always.

"I love you. Always remember that. Never doubt it. Because you? You are worth loving. And you deserve all the love in the world. You don't deserve pain. You don't deserve any of what you've been dealt." Softly raising to look into his baby blues that always had that calming effect for me, his eyes deceived him. Little bits of tears were threatening to fall down his more than handsome face, knowing I truly meant every word I said. And no matter what occurred with Lyle, it wouldn't change how I feel for Erik.

"You don't deserve any of that either, beautiful. I want nothing more than to give you the world. To give you and Ava a life you can truly be happy in, a life without fear. Which is why—we start today." Softly kissing his lips with a nod in agreement to follow, I laid my head atop his bare chest once more to rest for the upcoming day ahead, his arms coming to rest around my small figure in a protective manner. I knew this would be difficult. But if it meant ensuring a future where Ava is protected, where Erik is free of the abuse caused by his father, where Lyle can finally feel as if he'd done what he's always wanted to do by saving his baby brother and getting away from the parents that once abused him, and continued to abuse him, then we would put on one hell of a show.