Under the Grit

Habits (Stay High)

The night was still, the quiet hum of crickets and the soft lapping of water against the shore the only sounds cutting through the silence. Evangeline sat on the hood of her car at the local boat launch, her knees pulled up to her chest, a loosely rolled joint balanced between her fingers.

The faint glow of the dashboard lights illuminated the interior of her car, the soft blue tint casting shadows across the gravel lot where she was parked. Beyond the lot, the lake stretched out like a sheet of black glass, reflecting the faint glimmer of stars that dotted the sky.

She brought the joint to her lips and inhaled deeply, the sharp, earthy scent filling her lungs. The smoke burned slightly on the way down, but she welcomed the sensation-it gave her something to focus on, something to anchor her as her mind raced.

Exhaling slowly, she watched the tendrils of smoke curl upward into the cool night air, dissipating as quickly as they appeared. She leaned back against the windshield, the cool glass pressing against her back as she stared up at the sky.

Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, tangled in knots she couldn't seem to unravel. The events of the night played on a loop in her mind-the song Arthur had sung, the weight of his voice, the rawness in his lyrics that felt too familiar to be coincidence. The way he had avoided her, the coldness in his tone earlier in the greenroom, and then Mary's venomous words in the bathroom.

Evangeline let out a low sigh, taking another drag from the joint as she tried to make sense of it all.

What am I even doing? she wondered, her chest tightening as she thought about the past few months. She'd been trying so hard to balance everything-school, her project, her relationship with Ben, the band, Arthur-and now it felt like it was all unraveling.

She exhaled again, her fingers trembling slightly as she tapped the ash onto the gravel below. The truth was, she didn't know how to fix any of it.

Her thoughts drifted to Mary, and the sting of their confrontation resurfaced, sharp and unrelenting. The slap still echoed in her mind, along with Mary's cruel words: You're just another girl to him.

Her jaw clenched as anger flared in her chest, mingling with the hurt she couldn't quite shake. She wasn't naïve-she knew Arthur wasn't perfect, that he had his flaws and his past. But the way Mary had spoken about him, about them, felt like a dismissal of everything they'd shared, no matter how fleeting or complicated it had been.

Taking another hit, she let the smoke fill her lungs before releasing it in a slow, steady stream. The familiar warmth of the cannabis began to settle over her, dulling the sharp edges of her thoughts and making the ache in her chest a little less unbearable.

The distant hum of an engine broke the quiet, followed by the crunch of gravel as another car pulled into the lot. Evangeline froze, her heart lurching as the sudden intrusion shattered the fragile bubble of solitude she'd wrapped herself in.

She straightened, her hand instinctively moving to snuff out the joint against the sole of her shoe before tucking it into the ashtray on the hood. Her eyes darted toward the approaching car, panic gripping her chest as the headlights cut across the lot.

The car slowed, its engine rumbling softly as it came to a stop beside hers. Evangeline's pulse quickened, her mind racing with possibilities-until she recognized the familiar shape of the vehicle.

The tension in her chest eased slightly, replaced by a mix of confusion and dread as the driver's side door opened and Ben stepped out.

He looked tired, his black hair slightly disheveled, his movements slower than usual as he closed the door behind him. He glanced around the lot, his brown eyes finally settling on her.