EMBERS (Marcus Acacius)

XIV | Darkest Before the Dawn

"We need to talk." Acacius stood beside a marble bust, looking into the carp pond that I sat beside. "The emperor has reinstated me into the Guard."

I smiled up at him, his face barely visible, despite the flickering torchlight on the wall. "Congratulations." The encouraging nature of the word didn't reflect in my dull tone and I knew Acacius had noticed. "Really... I'm happy for you."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am." Acacius lowered himself to sit beside me, legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees. "You have always fought for Rome. You're not truly a traitor and you deserve to be given your position back."

The man beside me let out a long sigh, biting the corner of his lip thoughtfully. The water's reflection rippled across his shadowed face and I watched him curiously. "The new emperor loves the games." I hummed in response. "Will you go back to healing the gladiators?" I shook my head so quickly, that even Acacius looked bemused. "Why not?"

"I can't," I replied quietly, reaching down to dip my fingers into the clear, cool water. The orange fish scattered from the ripple that ensued. Acacius' reflection met my gaze expectantly. "I made the mistake of staying there after I was freed." A small smile flickered on my lips as one brave carp swam up to nibble at my fingertip. I waved it away gently. "I won't do that again."

We plunged into thoughtful silence for a long time. I was in a staring contest with Acacius' reflection, unsure of what to say. I had thought I could make a measurable impact as a healer in the Colosseum. In hindsight, I believe I did, but I couldn't put myself through all of that again.

"You made a real difference." Acacius' voice was low, and his eyes in the pond tore away from mine. I glanced up to look into the real brown irises. They were so earnest, so solemn, so full of emotion. "Gaius and Tiberius and I... None of us would be here now if it weren't for you."

I nodded. "I don't regret anything..." I lifted my hand from the water, wiping the droplets on my robe, as Acacius continued to stare at me assiduously. "I just don't think I can do it again."

Acacius smiled understandingly. "What will you do instead?"

I shrugged, genuinely not sure. "I haven't really thought about it." It wasn't entirely a lie. Since my conversation with Lucilla the previous night, I had pushed her words from my mind. He will make you a permanent fixture of the Colosseum. I refused to go back into that arena, but I also didn't want to leave Rome. You won't last a day in the arena... "Aemillius says that there's always a shortage of private healers, so maybe I'll work for one of his colleagues."

"So, you'll stay here, in Rome?" I nodded before he could ask further questions. "That's good." He glanced down at his clasped hands, clearly contemplating something in his mind. "I wonder if we'll ever see each other around..." I hummed in agreement. "I'll be living at the camp and you'll be in the city."

"It's strange." I glanced up as one of Aemillius' servants walked past us, heading to their quarters for the night. The moon was high in the sky, alerting me to how late it truly was. Acacius reached out to grasp my hands, luring my gaze back to him. "You know—we probably never would've met if it weren't for the rebellion." Acacius smiled softly. "I would still be patching wounds, believing I was making a difference. You made me see the truth."

Acacius' brown eyes shone with the flickering torch light. He stood up, pulling me up with him, so we were face to face, barely an inch of space between us. "I just said that to get you to join the rebellion." My eyes furrowed in confusion. "Even if you were sending gladiators back into the arena, you were giving them another chance to earn their freedom. It's not as black and white as I made it seem."