Forbidden Fruit (gxg)

Part 30

Within the next month after getting fired, things started to go really downhill.

I was applying to jobs, but it was getting me nowhere. I had one call with a recruiter of a large hospital system around the area, for a unit secretary position. All she did was question me as to why I wouldn't want to work as a nurse anymore and do something I was "overqualified" for. I lied and said that I was trying to figure things out and see what other healthcare sectors I wanted to get into.

I didn't get a call back from that job, which discouraged me even more.

When I was a nurse, I put a lot of my self worth into that. It was almost my identity to a point, when someone would ask me about myself, I'd tell them I was a nurse. When that was ripped away from me, I felt like I lost myself a bit.

At Hollis, however, I was finding myself again. Sure, I didn't exactly know what my long-term plan was there, or if it would even be there, but I was good at my job, which boosted my self esteem.

Now I was fired, and my self-esteem was low. Lower than ever. I didn't even know how to fill up my days, which felt longer than ever not doing much.

Not to mention, my worries now about my dad drinking again.

A little over a week after I found out my dad was drinking again, I got into an argument with Addison on the phone about it.

She called me one night, as I was on my way to Kori's and she was on her way home after having dinner with our parents.

I had no idea if she knew that our dad was drinking again, so I flat out asked her if he got an alcoholic drink.

She hesitated before saying, "Yes, he did. But just one beer."

My heart sank, and I said back to Addison, "You do realize how bad this is, right?"

I expected her to agree with me. However, to my surprise, she said, "I don't think it's the worst thing in the world."

Huh?

"And what makes you say that?" I responded.

"I think it's fine if he has a beer every now and then. Why wouldn't it be? He seems to have a handle on himself, and he hasn't drunk in so long."

"That's the point. He's an alcoholic, there's a reason why he hasn't drunk in so long. He can't."

"He only had one drink, Ashley. He was acting perfectly normal."

"That's how it starts. I've seen it a million times working in healthcare, people who think they have a 'handle' on their addiction ending up in a really bad situation. Do you seem to just forget how he was when he drank?"

"That was when we were younger. Things are different now."

My anger rose as I said back, "Yes, things are different because we aren't there to see it. I swear, sometimes it's like you forget how awful he was to us when he drank. Do you not remember being hit and screamed at?"

Even just saying that formed a knot in my stomach.

Addison sighed, "Yes, of course I do. But that was a long time ago, and I let go of it. You need to as well."

"Listen, I get that it was a long time ago," I said back to Addison, "But the whole point is that when he drinks, things get bad. Our entire childhood was proof of that."

"Ashley, I don't want to argue," Addison sighed again, "I really think he'll be fine if he has a drink every now and then."

"You're going to be disappointed when you realize that isn't true."