SILVER EYES (GXG)

Chapter 14: Between The Lines (Part 2/2)

We made our way to the third floor. I didn't ask where we were going, honestly, I didn't care. I just wanted to disappear, to forget everything that happened today. To vanish, if I could.

We reached Heather's room, and she pulled me inside, not letting go of my hand. Without a word, I collapsed on her bed, letting my head fall in my hands. My neck felt too weak to hold it up anymore.

She sat next to me, in silence. Her hand softly on my back.

"It was all my fault." I said.

"What?"

"They died because of me."

A silence.

"You saw your parents, right?" Heather asked softly, her tone was careful like she knew she was treading on fragile ground.

I nodded, without looking at her. She nodded too, as if piecing things together for herself.

"Tell me what happened." There was a quiet demand in her voice like she needed to know, but in a way that wasn't forceful. As if she wanted so badly to understand.

I pulled the strands of my hair away from my face and swallowed hard before answering.

"A drone attack. Bomb delivered. My mother survived, but..." I hesitated. "I froze. I didn't help her. She died because of me." It felt unreal hearing it out loud, especially the way I said it, quick, clipped, as if reciting a shopping list. I guess I thought it would save me from the pain. It didn't.

A tear slipped down to my knee, landing right on a bloodstain from Kate that had marked my combat tracksuit. I watched it mix with the red, the stain spread and turned sickly pink. I swiped at it with my finger, but it was too late, that stain wasn't going to disappear anymore. Fuck. I guess that's what I deserved, a reminder of my craziness. I tried to wipe it harder. I wrinkled my pants, I wrinkled harder. A hand stopped me. Heather's. She curled her fingers around mine and gently pulled my hand away from that stain, toward her lap, like she was trying to steady me, to calm me down.

"No one's prepared for something like that." She said.

"You don't understand." I sobbed. "I never freeze. NEVER." A pause. "If I had reacted... maybe..." My heart sent sharp spikes of pain through me again. "I let my mom die..."

Heather softly caressed my hand but I jerked it away. "Stop that," I said. "I don't want your pity."

She went quiet for a long moment, but I could feel her eyes on me. Any other time, I'd probably hate myself for saying something like that. Pushing her away wasn't really my style, but my insides felt like a battlefield. That twisted, grim sensation clawed at me, and the thought that Heather might never truly understand my pain made me feel so angry.

"I don't pity you." She said, surprisingly calm. "I just worry."

I gasped frustrated. "I'm... I'm sorry..." I whispered. "I shouldn't have sai–"

"Grace," she interrupted. "You froze because you're human. You can't blame yourself for that."

"I could have saved her." I whispered.

Heather let out a heavy breath as if keeping the conversation going was a struggle. She seemed to understand the weight I was carrying and wanted to find the right words to help, but somehow they kept slipping through her fingers.

"Look," She said. "I'm not going to tell you everything's okay, because it's not. I'm not going to tell you that you could've done something different, because you couldn't. But I will tell you this: You can't let this guilt eat you alive like this. It's not fair." She shook her head. "Not fair to that little Grace, who just reacted the way any kid would in a horrible situation."