~DREAMING OF YOU~ A PLANYMPHIA FANFIC

Chapter 16

December 15th, 2024, 10:00 am, Brooklyn, New York, Nymphia's apartment

(NYMPHIA'S PERSPECTIVE)

I head into my bathroom and rub away sleep from my eyes. Even though it was a month ago now since I left Boston, I still think about the situation every day. How I could've done better. How I should've not overreacted like that. How the constant feeling of regret still follows me even when I'm on stage, walking through my apartment's parking garage, doing interviews with article outlets, when I close my door to my bedroom and go to bed, and even when I'm just sitting in my apartment, watching people walk down the sidewalk from above. But at a specific time of day, once a week, whether I'm in a crowded room that no one can fully notice my emotions correctly or a room all by myself. I still feel the sad love inside of me. Even though I'm mad and regretting what I did, I just can't help but remember the fact that Plane's the love of my life. I still haven't talked to him since November and it hurts me so much. I feel like a bitchy burden every time I think about it, but there's so much I wish that he would do.

I wish he wasn't so afraid to express love. I wish he would figure out how to tell people about love. I wish he would call me and tell me how he feels, whether it's good or bad, I doesn't matter, I just wanna hear him. I wish I wasn't so sensitive about it, but I knew if I ignored it I would've lost my mind.

I go into the shower to wash myself since I'm going to lunch with my friends and I needed to anyway. While I'm washing myself, I remember how Plane would hold me and it's making me feel love sick. I know it's basically all gone and there's still something I can't do, apologize, that's the one thing that's holding me back. Part of me is telling me I don't need to, that it's his fault for all of this. But there's another part of me that's telling me it's my fault, that I overreacted and I shouldn't have left that night. Even though I was fine with it at the airport, waiting for my flight back home, even though I screamed at him for 10 minutes before I left, even though I left.

I finish getting ready and head out the door. I'm in the uber, silent as a barn animal at night. I can't stand the feeling like I'm on a stage and everybody in the crowd is trying to dig their nails into my skin that I call my regret so they can see how I feel. It's not like anybody really knows what happened, but it feels like everyone knows.

I get there and my drag sisters and daughters are all sitting there. I sit down and act like everything is alright, but I can tell Bagel isn't fooled by my acting. It's not like I'm very good at it though, but somehow my other sisters and daughters aren't asking questions. I hate it. I honestly hate it so much. I hate that I have to fake and pretend everything when all I want to do is leave. This whole lunch thing would've been way better if I wasn't in the state of mind that I am right now. I know Bagel is just waiting till we get back to our apartment so she can ask me what's going on. I'm not having that much fun.

We leave and get back to our apartment. It's 5:00 pm now because we also went to one of my drag sister's house and baked cookies there. The sun is already setting, which adds a nice sunset outside. I walk into my room and lay down on my bed. I scroll on my phone until I see Bagel in my room. Bagel sits on the side of my bed, being careful to not sit on my feet.

"Hey." Bagel says.

"Hey." I reply back. I feel almost telepathic because I just know where this conversation is headed.

"How are you doing?" She asks.

"Fine." I respond. Im not sure if I want to tell Bagel about this. At the end of the day she's not my relationship counselor, she's just my drag daughter.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Bagel creeps up close to me to whisper.

"Sure, but not here." I say not looking at her.