Alive || 86: Eighty-Six [ vers. ENG ]

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When Charlize opened her eyes, she was greeted by darkness. She wasn't sure where she was or how much time had passed. Her mind was lost in a thick fog. She felt as if she'd been in a similar situation before. In this very territory. Some years before. The little girl of that time had to use the worst tricks to get out of it... But she hadn't won any reward for it. Instead, she now carried the skeletons of her regrets on her shoulders.

Charlize pulled on the emergency handle to open her Feldre. Sunlight greeted her. She immediately closed her eyes. She also finally noticed that her body wasn't fully responding. She wasn't sure if both her arms and legs were working. Her hand, and by extension her right arm, were the only ones to follow. Her feet responded as she used them to eject herself outside. After some effort, she finally hit the ground. Or rather, grass.

A single thought crossed her mind: how are the others? But she had no way of knowing without her PARA-RAID.

When she felt ready to open her eyes, she tried to stand up. However, she didn't have enough strength to sit up. Still on her stomach, she pushed on her right arm to raise herself a little. She slowly turned her head in every direction she could. She saw no one nearby. But neither did she hear the sound of a possible confrontation. She let herself fall back onto her back. At the same time, she realized that her PARA-RAID had landed on the back of her head. She didn't immediately put it back to her ear.

Right now, she felt like she was alone in the world. Alone with herself once again.

A lot of time had passed since she'd left the Republic and yet she hadn't changed since then. Now that she was back, she could finally confirm it.

She was the same scared little girl who never dared to face her own feelings. She shunned confrontation and would only confess her deepest thoughts when she was sure no one would dig any deeper. She wasn't honest. Neither with herself nor with others. She called her friends that, but she didn't really understand the meaning of the word. The weight of a relationship was far too heavy for her small shoulders. Living was becoming more painful with time. She didn't even know how she'd managed to get here. At this point she wondered if someone was praying for her survival just to see her suffer longer.

A deep sigh escaped from between her lips. She already knew the answers to all her questions. After all, she was her own executioner. No one could judge her, so she'd decided to do it herself. The skeletons of her past were never far away. They never spoke. They preferred to watch her from a little further away, never looking away. She knew this too: in reality, these ghosts existed only in her head. They were only creations of her mind. A way of punishing the little girl who hid in the depths of her being.

If only she hadn't been taught not to blame others, then maybe she'd be a lot better. Blaming others was so easy. But these were the last values her parents had taught her. She couldn't reject it so easily. If she was going to do it, she might as well blame them. Her parents. She had done so for many years before abandoning this path. If only they were still alive. If only they'd put her first. If only...