The strays.

3

a/n; okay so there is a trigger warning in this chapter im sorry please forgive me. If you feel uncomfortable with self harm then feel free to skip this chapter!

~sage

*dreaming of a flashback from when she was 14; two years ago*

I sat on my bed reading a book. I couldn't help but to feel this pain. I sighed as I set my book down on my bed and sat up from my laying position. I stared blankly at the floor. 'why?' a found myself repeating. I've been shutting myself out lately, I keep distancing myself. I cant describe this pain I feel. I look over at my phone as I hear a ding indicating I had a message. i picked up my phone and viewed it not realizing I was crying until a tear drop had landed on my hand. 'why do i have to be weak?' i asked myself as i locked my screen ignoring the message. Part of me feels like no one cares.

I begin to cry more as the tears began to flow. I peak out my bedroom door as I know my dad is asleep by now its 10:00 pm and he has to get up early. I close my door looking for that thing. the thing i new would help me. The thing I promised i was to strong to do. I sit on my bed letting out a sob. 'WHY? why cant this stop, why do I feel this way?' I cried harder. I hear the front door open and close knowing my mom was home I sighed and let out a little cry.

I paced my room. I think my mom was to tired to say hi so I let her be. I continued to search. 'Dammit!' I said under my breath in frustration I can't find anything. Anything would do right now. I began to cry again. I'm so pathetic and weak! I promised!! I said I would be stronger! I thought I could fight this! The alone feeling.... Feeling like no one cares when I'm sure someone does. I can't describe this pain I feel!!

I decide to take a shower. I grab the towel hung on my door and walk into the bathroom, not saying a thing to my mom. I close the bathroom door locking the door behind me. I turn the shower on then continue to search for that thing. I find an old fashion new razor to shave your legs. I pick it up feeling relief. 'Just what I needed' I take it apart taking the blades off carefully as I slip and accidentally cut my finger slightly. 'Ow go dammit.' I mutter ignoring it after I take it apart I set it on the counter met the sink.

I begin to take my cloths off. I stare coldly into the mirror. I hate myself so much. For the way I look. The way I talk. For what I'm about to do. I get another message. I glance t my phone locking the screen again. I feel bad for avoiding everybody. I just feel like I can't handle anything right now, I know I'm pathetic and weak I hate feeling this way.

I grab the thing I needed and step into the shower. I search for a place. I decide to do it on the side of my hip. No one will see. I bring the soft tiny blade to the place I decided. I glide it across my skin smiling as I watch the blood drips down my leg. I feel better, when suddenly guilt rushes me over. Panic and regret. I was so weak. I let everybody down. I put the thing I had loved for a few moments down and began to cry.

I don't have to tell anybody. I don't want sympathy from anyone. I don't want anyone to know. I don't need people feel bad for me. I step out of the shower quickly grabbing toilet paper and putting pressure down on my cut, stopping the blood soon. I turned the shower off and wrapped myself in a towel grabbing my stuff. Before I leave I realize that the blade is still there.

I put my stuff down for a moment and grab the blade wrapping it in toilet paper. I decided not to flush it but to hide it in my keepsake box. I hide it in my pile of cloths and walk to my bedroom. I drop my cloths in the laundry basket and find some shorts a bra and I t-shirt. I put the cloths on and brush my hair. I frown as I hear another message.

I ignored it, again. I know I shouldn't but I am. I sigh as I get up and walk to the living room replacing my frown with a fake grin. "Hey mom, how was work?" I spoke as I neard my mother. "Eh it sucked as always." "Oh. I think I'm going to eat food then he's off to bed." I said walking into the kitchen. "Okay just make sure and turn the light off when your done."

I decide to just make a burrito and head to my room closing my door. I sit and eat the burrito in silence as I think about what I've done. I broke a promise. To not only myself but my mom, my friends. My father, my younger brother. My family. I feel like I have let them down in such a horrid way. I don't feel ashamed of what I've done. I feel bad for the pain I might have caused someone else. I finished my burrito and put the plate away walking back into the living room. Again using my fake smile. "Hey mum, imma head to bed. Night." I say turning around walking back to my room. "Night Hun." She replies. I close my door and sigh. I just need sleep
That's all. I get another message. I just mute my phone and turn off my light making my way to my bed as I slip under the covers.

*dream/ flashback ends and she wakes*

~sage

I sit up in my bed and sigh as I rub my temples slightly feeling frustrated as my friend stirs in bed next to me. Why did I dream about that? I asked myself remembering the painful memories. It's been two years and I decided never again. I still haven't told anyone to this day. I sigh as I look over at my sleepy friend. "HEY YOU BUM IT'S TIME TO GET UP." I laugh as she groans.

a/n; Heyy guys. I dont know when I'll be updating the next chapter tbh sorry. I jut have NO ideas sooooo until the next time I'll let yaknow

~Brooke! ^>^