Jade's POV
Sleep didn't seem like something that would take away all my thoughts of last night. I woke up the next morning and Perrie was the first thing on my mind.
This isn't what I came home for. I didn't come home to have all this bull shit on my mind again. I came home to enjoy my break. This is my break, I just got off a book tour and I want to spend time with my family and friends.
Apart of me really wanted to call Perrie but the other part of me knows that I shouldn't. If I was in a relationship and my so called "boyfriend" was cheating on me I would actually like to know. Just how do you explain to your ex that the guy she cheated on you with is cheating on her. Can I just rewind to college again so I never met Perrie Edwards and Zayn Malik. No no I don't mean that because without out them, would I really be the person I am today? Would I even be an author? Would I speak out to many people about dealing with a difficult relationship.
I grab my pillow and place it over my face and groan into it loudly. I wish my mum was here at least, she would always know what to say to me. No matter what she would be there to comfort me.
I get up out of my bed, exit my room and walk down the hall down to my mums room. I push the door open slowly and peek my head in as if she's still here and I'm a child creeping my head in, to see if my mum is awake early in the morning. The funny thing is she would always be awake by this time.
I step all the way in side and close the door behind me. I take a deep breath and stay leaned against the door. The room still looks the same.
Her brown shoes or what I use to call them, old lady shoes, still sit in front of her bed from the last time she slipped them off. Her blankets pulled back from the last time she got out of her bed.
I sigh and make my way over to her bed and lay down in the same spot she was in. I pull the blanket over my body and sigh in relief. Her thick white blankets already becoming warm and very comforting. Her pillows smell like the vanilla shampoo and conditioner she always used.
"Where are you when I need you mum" I sigh. I probably sound crazy talking to my mum right now even if she's not here, but I feel so comfortable being in here. I know that for a while I was afraid to come in here. Afraid to see something I didn't want to see. I turn over on my back and look up at the ceiling. What has my life come to?,
"What do I do mum?"
I know exactly what she would tell me. She would tell me to talk to perrie but my stubborn side says other wise. I bet I get that from my dad.
I turn over on my side and take a look at my moms dresser. Covered with the medications she told me that were nothing but where actually keep her alive for as long as she could handle it. My eyes water as I get up out of her bed and walk towards her dresser. I pick up the bottles, reading each one. I never even heard of these before.
"You should of told me you where sick" I say as a couple tears roll down my cheeks. I squeeze one of the pill bottles in my hand as I try to hold back my emotions. I know she didn't want to tell us to keep us from worrying but maybe things would be different if she said something.
Who am I kidding. What would I be able to do? Slow down her death? That's absolutely insane. I know one thing, I would have been there for her the minuet she got sick. I could of been here if I just took online classes like she suggested but I chose to not stay, I chose to live on campus. I could feel myself beginning to grow angry at myself. I should have been there for her, she was sick and in was off trying to deal with my problems at school when all I needed to be was here. I didnt need Perrie at that time, love was not a priority it was just something that caught on. Like when you go fishing and you don't need to catch a fish but oh look at that it caught my bait.
