You're my everything... (Stolas x Blitzo x reader)

C. H. E. R. U. B - Part 1

A brand new start of the day. No new clients, as per usual. A boring new day, if you ask me.

Everyone was currently sat around the meeting table. Last week Moxxie bought a new TV and we're only now using it.

Blitzø was watching a human show called 'My Little Pony', I think it's for children and I don't know if he knows that. But anyways, it was going all smoothly, the ponies started singing and then the commercials began.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Blitzø screamed and banged his fists against the table.

"Calm down, man... It's just a show." I turned to look at him, he glared at me.

"Just a show? Just a show?!"

"Uh yeah. It's a show about friendship and little ponies."

"I can say the same to you. Doctor Who is just a show."

Blitzø put up imaginary quotation marks and rolled his eyes. Doctor Who is a human British sci fi show, filmed in Wales. Stolas is aware of it, it's one of his favorite human shows. He showed it to me a couple weeks ago and ever since I've not been able to watch anything else.

"Yeah well, Doctor Who is about aliens and space and time, unlike My Little Pony!."

"MY LITTLE PO-"

"Alright you two, that's enough!" Millie yelled, moving to stand on her chair. "Both shows are good tv. Okay? No matter what it's about or who it's about. Got it?!"

"Hmph. Whatever."

I looked at Millie from the side, giving her a side eye.

"Don't look at me like that, Y/n!"

"Well, howdy!"

Everyone looked towards the television. A cherub from up above was on the screen.

"I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven!"

"Ugh, someone turn that off." Luna groaned, looking up from her phone.

"Guess you did somethin' foot to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!"

A jingle started playing and when I say I wanted to rip my horns out, I mean it.

Does it make you want to cry?

An Innocent person on the screen gets run over by a speeding train and the words "oh no" appear in a censor cloud.

When your loved one has to die?

A man shots himself in the face and another censor cloud shows up, this time with the word "Oopsie!".

Does it hurt you through and through?

A man then shows up, however, his face is turning blue from lack of oxygen. He has his neck tied to a noose.

When your face is turnin' bluuuuue?
Well, luckily for you...
There's somethin' we can do!
We can help keep them alive,
So you can watch them thrive!

There's now three of those things on screen. They all pose as they sang together.

Cause here at C. H. E... R. U. B!

The rat names Cletus rescues a women from a pack of wild animals. Some other one pushes the other one in front of them, as he holds a plank of wood with a nail in it.

We'll save your honeybun from dying violently!
Cause here at C. H. E... R. U. B!
No, we never even ask a fee!
Because good people spread the love?
And we're here for all above!
We do the paperwork for you!
And the heavy liftin', too!
So sit right back
And let us bless a soooul for you!
Oh, we.... Are the C. H. E. R. U. B!