Holding On

Chapter 31 - Change and Advice

Hunter's POV

My heart was racing. I sat there; my head on Courtney's shoulder, letting her words continue to sink in. All I could do was think of those words over and over again. "I'm pregnant." Now it all made sense to me. The mornings in the bathroom, the shopping alone, the loss of appetite, and her appearance this morning all added up to this. How could I have missed this?

As I sat there, I could feel her body shaking. She was scared. I was scared. She shed tears because she was scared of this, and I could hardly comprehend that I was actually here, receiving this news. There was only one thing I could think of to say. "Are you sure?"

I felt the nod of her head, and then heard a sob escape her, racking her body. "Hunter, I don't know what to do! I-I'm not ready to be a mom, not right now! I'm so scared-" I shifted quickly and wrapped my arms around her, scooting back on the bed so I held her against me. Her face was buried in my chest and my hand lay gently on the back of her head, stroking her hair as her body shook with each sob.

"I know," I murmured gently. "I...I'm scared too." If there is one thing I absolutely hated, it was to show weakness. Fear was a weakness to me. However, right now, I figured Courtney needed to hear that she wasn't alone; that she wasn't the only one who was scared.

I took a deep breath as I continued. "I know you're scared," I said softly, "but I'm here for you." My voice sounded so foreign to me, and yet it seemed to be what was needed to help Courtney calm down.

She pulled away from me, raising her head to look up at me. Her cheeks were red from the sobs, tears stained the color, and her blue eyes were pleading with me. "What are we going to do?" She asked, her hands still holding onto my shirt.

I raised a hand and gently wiped away the tears trails, giving a small smile. "I don't know," I whispered. "But you're the one...who is having..." I could barely bring myself to form the words. I took a breath. "I will stand by your decision."

She slowly nodded, sniffling lightly. "I...I need some time to think..." She dropped her gaze to the blankets. "I don't want to...You know...Hurt it. But I need to think about everything else."

I nodded and placed my hands on top of hers. I gently eased her hands out of their hold on my shirt, lacing my fingers with hers. "Alright," I said catching her gaze so she would look at me once more. "Take whatever time you need, but I'm here if you need to talk. You aren't alone in this."

She gave a small weak smile, her arms coming up around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she buried her face into the side of my neck. "Thank you, Hunter," she whispered, and I could hear the relief that was in her voice. I knew now that she was not only scared of this news, but also how I would react to it. I couldn't fault her for it though.

Right now, I am breaking down inside. My mind is whirling and I feel like I'm standing on the verge of a panic, and yet here I am trying to comfort Courtney.

Softly, I shifted so both of us could lie down. Courtney stayed close to me, snuggling up to me as I held her in my arms. I felt tired, my body heavy and growing slow, but my mind was wide awake now. Thoughts kept flying through my mind, thoughts that I had no idea how to answer.

What are we going to do? How can we raise a baby like this? Will I be able to keep it safe here with Courtney? What if the other gangs catch wind of this? Fear crept its way in when I thought of all these things, and I realized just how many things could actually go wrong.

I knew that I wasn't going to get much sleep tonight now, and by the way Courtney was fidgeting, she wouldn't be either. However, one thing was for sure. If Courtney decides to keep this baby, I will have a son or daughter in this world and I need to know how to provide for and protect them.