Holding On

Chapter 37 - A Longing

Courtney's POV

When Hunter finally arrived home, I could see that something wasn't right. Something was on his mind already. Alex had jumped up with an expectant look on his face the moment Hunter came in the door, but John was the one who actually asked how everything went. Hunter handed his phone to John before relaying the meeting.

I began to worry again about the money story since she wasn't giving it up, as well as the way she left. John read the message on the phone and we all sort of assumed that it was from Katherine.

However, Alex was the one who suggested that it was Michael. "If the story had been true, then wouldn't Michael be the one who wanted to win for the money?" His suggestion just added to the many things that were spinning in my head. However, in the end, it all just made my head hurt and I had to sit down.

No one even bothered to suggest any fowl play from Daniel. One reason was because we only called him on the burner phone which gave him no links to Hunter's cell phone, but he also wouldn't need a claim to money or a want to physically hurt me. The toss-up was pretty much only between Michael and Katherine, and both had plenty of reasons to pull such a stunt.

I needed to get out of the house. I needed fresh air, but I didn't dare suggest that we go out. However, if I didn't get some space, I felt like I was going to freak out. In the middle of the conversation, I got up from my seat and made my way through the kitchen, going to the backdoor. I knew that I had no doubt raised some suspicion, but I just needed to get away from it all for a moment.

I stepped out into the sunlight, blinking my eyes to help them adjust to the light. Looking around, I saw the small yard was edged with a six-foot high privacy fence, and an oak tree stood towards the left side. That was all the yard consisted of.

I sat down on the small step, looking out at the tree as the wind gently moved the leaves. I breathed in a deep breath of air, letting it fill my lungs to the point that no more air could seep in. Slowly I let it seep out between my lips, trying to calm the raging thoughts with in my head. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, unsure of how we were going to do anything anymore.

I heard footsteps approach from behind me, but I didn't move. I was too focused on trying to relax that I didn't care who had actually followed me. That's when I felt fingers ease up onto my shoulders, massaging gently with soft squeezes. Soon after, I heard a soft voice.

"You okay, Sweetheart?"

I smiled a bit, though I knew that anyone could see that it wasn't an 'okay' smile. Instead of trying to fake it, I let the rest of my breath out and then slowly shook my head, keeping my gaze down and not knowing how to answer with words. Hunter then moved out from behind me, bringing his hands away from my shoulders. He knelt down in front of me, his green eyes filled with compassion.

I brought my gaze up to his and held it as if nothing had happened. However, inside my mind was spinning and I felt lost, and he knew. Oh how he knew. He placed a hand on top of my knee and his gaze drifted down to my belly. "It's going to be alright," he murmured softly, before looking back at my eyes.

That was what had done it. I couldn't hide it anymore. I shifted forwards and fell into him, letting the tears flow free. I couldn't speak, I couldn't control the sobs that shook my body, and I couldn't stop the tears now. All I could do was hold onto him, wishing we could just disappear from this entire struggle.

His arms enfolded my smaller frame, holding me in his strong embrace, not saying a word. He knelt there, holding me as I let out all my tears, content to just hold me when I needed strength. He let me sob, let my tears wet his shirt, and just held me against him. I felt awful for breaking down like this, but I couldn't stop myself right now.

I don't know exactly how long we knelt there, but finally the tears began to slow and the sobs didn't shake my body as badly. I lifted a hand to wipe my tears, sniffling as I did so, but he still held onto me. "I'm sorry," I murmured, my voice growing hoarse.

He shook his head, drawing in a slight breath. "I know you're scared," he said softly, his lips close to my ear. "But I swear on my life and that of our baby that I will protect you. This all will pass and things will be okay. You'll see."

Though I had a hard time believing this would all pass, I knew that he meant it whole heartedly. I nodded slightly, grabbing onto his words as they were they only strength I could hold to right now. Without him and them, I believe I would fall apart.

Hunter loosened his grip and gently kissed the top of my head. I could feel the light scruff on his chin where he hadn't shaved, though it strangely provided some comfort of some things not changing.

"Listen, Sweetheart," he said gently, "I have to make an errand run and get some things that we are going to need around here, just for emergencies. John will be coming with me, but Alex is going to stay here with you, okay?"

I loved how he always asked if I was alright with his plans. If one small thing didn't sit right with me, he would find a way to make me comfortable. It was sweet and I treasured it.

Glancing up at him, I nodded slightly. "When are you leaving?"

He moved a stray strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingertips brushing my cheek. "I will need to pick up everything no later than the end of the week regardless, but I would like to pick everything up either tomorrow or the day after that." He looked at me with a careful smile, making my heart warm.

"I should be alright," I said softly, though my eyebrows furrowed questioningly. "What will you be getting?"

He hesitated for a moment, seeming to contemplate whether to tell me or not. However, I guess he didn't want to lie to me and he let out a soft breath. "I will need to pick up some ammo for the guns, and stoke up the first aid kit. I may stop by the store after that." His thumb now gently stroked my cheek. "I told you things would be alright, but I also want to remain prepared for anything."

Though the knowledge of having ammo and guns ready didn't exactly ease my burden, I knew that he was only doing this to protect me and our child. I nodded up at him, knowing it would be worse to be caught unprepared.

Hunter dropped his embrace as he stood up, stretching slightly before helping me up. "I'm going to go and see John and Alex have any further thoughts on this. Are you coming?"

I shook my head lightly. "I want to stay out here just a bit longer," I said softly. I wasn't ready to hear any more talk of Katherine or Michael right now. I just wanted to stay here and let the sun warm me.

"Alright, I'll be right inside if you need me then," he said before bringing out an arm to wrap around my hip. He smiled gently then kissed my lips softly before walking back into the house. I smiled lightly as I looked out over the yard once again, thinking of everything that has happened. You would think that I would be numb to these kinds of things, but I wasn't.

I placed a hand on my belly, thinking of the little one growing inside me. It was relief that no one outside of this house knew I was pregnant. A dreaded feeling crept into me when I thought of how much worse everything could get if the news of my pregnancy was publicly known during this time.

I looked over at the tree, walking over it. The feeling of the soft grass beneath my bare feet felt nice, and I looked up at the branches of the oak. A small squirrel jumped across the branches with a nut in its small mouth.

I smiled lightly as I watched it. It seemed so free of worries, only focusing on getting its nuts gathered. I longed for a time when I could feel no more of the worries that plagued me right now. That is the time I want to raise this child in. No worries of the future, no worries of someone finding them, and no worries of danger.

That is what I looked forward to. Hunter, our child, and I relaxing without any worries of what may happen to come our way. Yes. One day, that will be us.