It wasn't all it was hyped up to be. Sex, that is. Lucy was lying in bed, just opened her eyes after an amazing night's sleep. And the thought had just dawned on her. Like a fresh morning mist chasing the stale remnants of night away. Sex was something the world glorified. But really, wasn't sex just another experience? Like trying an amazing dessert?
The difference was that the consequences of the dessert and the consequences of sex were vast. But similarly, we could all go without either of them. It was just something people glamorized and hyped up when it really wasn't all that. Lucy had fantasized about it many, many times. He'll, she read about it in books an obscene number of times and fantasized about it as well.
But remove sex from the equation of life and...life was pretty much the same..whatever we made it, really.
Sex was just something else you could choose to experience if you wanted to. But what shocked Lucy was that even though she read about it in books and fantasized about it...especially about it with a certain Dr. Fineman, she found that she actually...didn't even want it. She didn't want to feel that with anyone. She had just let the world fill her head with the foolish notion that she needed to experience sex.
She let social media, her sister, men, her relatives and her own mind deceive her into believing that she needed to experience this. She could only thank God that she never had the opportunity to toss away her virginity, which she held so precious to her.
She wanted to experience a love like Rebeka and Isaac. As soon as you see each other for the first time, just go to his deceased mother's tent and make mad, passionate love to each other.
Or Jacobe and Rachael, as soon as you see me and my father's sheep, you literally come and kiss me as you are so overcome by your love for me.
It's embarrassing to know that I would swoon so hard at either of those things.
Lucy much rather that her sister be the one in charge like she is now. She drives them both around, going to have their baby, working basically for the two of them, buying the house for them to move in herself, her family responsible for taking care of the baby. All this man provided in her sister's life was semen. And Lucy guessed that her sister took as much of that from him as she wanted. So it was a win-win for the both of them then.
Her Mom is going to be stuck with the baby, that much was obvious. As much as she was excited to have a nephew, it left a bitter sweet taste in her mouth that her sister suffered absolutely no consequences for her actions. Nothing bad befell her.
She would never shame her sister for having sex and getting pregnant. It was obviously fine since everyone was doing it. So why did Lucy feel a bit bitter? Why did she feel like her sister's lack of accepting responsibility or suffering even a little consequence was so heavy on her heart. To the point of resentment, really.
She didn't want anything terrible to befall her sister, not really. But she wasn't being held accountable for anything! That was really got under Lucy's skin. She could go and open her legs for whoever she pleased, bring the bastard home and have sex with him right there in their home, then waltz into the kitchen and take 2 plates of freshly cooked food back to her room where the 2 of them were. How fucked up is that? Especially considering Lucy, her Mom, brother and Dad had been slaving away to get all the shit cooked in the first place.
Lucy had a slew of feelings that was just disgusting at this point. She wanted to marry a rich, capable man do she could rub in her sister's face. Wanted 4 children so she could say she had more than her sister. Wanted her husband to be ridiculously handsome and a Catholic so he would be much better looking in her parent's eyes.
But she knew that God had plans for her. She would trust him and not live in resentment, bitterness or fear. She needed help. A ton of it. And a ton of guidance.
She felt like she was tired of being at everyone's beck and call. *snaps up both middle fingers*
She would trust God for a love like Isaac and Rebeka. Or maybe Ruth and Boaz. Or maybe something better than that. She left it in God's hands and prayed for an amazing husband. Amen.
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Season to Heal
AdventureLucy is back from her journey. She soon finds out that the wounds she received while abroad are nothing compared to the wounds her family sustained while she was away.
