Is it rage or Jealousy?
Sarah, Lucy's sister's wedding was 2 days ago. She was having a baby boy. So in less than two months, they had managed to plan and execute a wedding, flawlessly. It was a nothing short of a bloody miracle. Now, they're married and Lucy's nephew will not be born out of wedlock. Yesterday, Lucy felt something brew in her chest. But what astonished her today was that it did not feel like the burning of a rage. It was...a numbing. Over her whole body. She felt like whatever it was, skimming over her bones, her muscles, making them heavy.
They were all tired from the stress of the wedding, but this was something more. She couldn't laugh at her family's jokes when they went on a mini road trip to drop of wedding cake for the family and friends who could not make it. She felt numb. She did not even want to sleep. She just wanted to...to hit something. Give something pain.
What the hell was wrong with her?
She realized that she always heard a bitter word coming from her mouth or something resembling envy when she spoke of her sister. As she lay on her bed this morning, she thought about it.
"Am I jealous of my sister?"
When she thought about it, she realized that it made perfect sense! She felt bitter that things were happening beautifully for Sarah...she brought this stranger home, despite her Dad's wishes not to, she had sex with him multiple times, which she was not supposed to...and at home...and now she was rewarded with a baby growing in her belly, a ring on her finger and a new home being built for them to move into!
It didn't seem fair to Lucy, that Sarah suffered no consequences. She was in fact being celebrated. Her sister, who had done all this shit to them, stolen food from them, lied to them over and over and over again, and never held accountable for her actions, not even once, is now at the pinnacle of success in their family. She was a doctor with a husband, baby in her belly and house on the way.
It didn't seem fair to Lucy, that she, a virgin at 25 years, never been in a relationship with no boyfriend in sight, works her ass off, tries to be a good Christian girl. But then again...being Christian didn't just mean following the rules. In fact, in light of recent events, Lucy wondered if the rules even made any sense to follow. If they were just a construct made by man. If she should go to bars and drink and hook up with guys...like her sister did at her age. She would be grateful to turn out half as successful as her sister.
When she analyzed all these thoughts...envy...this was the green monster that was claiming her. Her thoughts, her heart, her very soul was churning in bitterness toward her sister because she felt like it was an injustice. That her sister should suffer at least some consequences. But instead she is blessed, over and over and over again. And what did Lucy have?
The question stopped her in her tracks.
What did Lucy have?
Lucy had to throw away her diary while she was oversees because she knew her sister would find it wherever she hid it in her room, and read it. So, to protect herself and her secrets, she threw it. She knew when her sister had searched her room from top to bottom. Had
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Season to Heal
AdventureLucy is back from her journey. She soon finds out that the wounds she received while abroad are nothing compared to the wounds her family sustained while she was away.
