Breathe

Numb

Sometimes one honestly does not know how to feel about a situation, whether they should laugh or cry. Feelings can make you happy but they kill something inside of you as well. How should one feel about a situation that is out of reach or mistakenly placed in the hands of one and it's just left there, imprinted in your heart and mind.

But then you think of all the good things and all you've never experienced and how you've never been held and then maybe you think that it's all worth it all the heart break and pain because its just too much to face the facts that you're alone and you don't want to be alone, and then you think for a minute that being selfish is good for once because you actually feel happy and that's really what everyone wants, it's to being happy and just being expressive and free because it actually feels good

Aimee was not conflicted by any means she was savoring every minute of it, because she felt good. Sleep was overrated, because she just could not sleep knowing that tomorrow would be a different day and it would be back to pretending and trying to focus and act like everything that is happening isn't.

She got out of bed completely naked and alone, Arden had left, he had places to be, he didn't have time to stay because she wasn't looking for anything serious, but then it still would have been nice to have someone to hold her and stay with her and help her not to feel so alone, because loneliness could be so painful and depressing.

She had let him do what he had so desperately wanted to do to her, not that she was complaining, that aspect of her life just needed to go and when it was all gone it felt good for a minute and then it was the same bullshit all over again, he had held her for a bit but then he left and she just stayed still.

She went into the kitchen and made herself some coffee, coffee was good for her now, it made her mind at ease. When she was finished she just sat in the chair, naked with the coffee in her hand and she sipped lightly. Ofcourse the cup was hot but she just felt numb, oddly enough she smiled because despite everything it was still bittersweet.

She thought of how he had handled her body so skillfully, leaving nowhere untouched and highly satisfied and completely pleasured, the sounds she made and dirty words he whispered.

STOP!

It was too much to handle, the situation was getting more real by the  minute, it was not all in her head it was actually happening. She felt so bad and sinful like it wasn't right to do what she had done, technically it wasn't, but that isn't  or stopping everyone else from doing, people like breaking the rules because rules are borderline mediocre, they're set and all and some of the good spirited people actually follow them, but then again what's the fun in that, wouldn't actually experiencing it be a lesson well learnt or making it was just encouragement for doing the same shit over and over again. 

Aimee never promised herself or anyone that she wouldn't have sex because sex was good, it felt good and though it is one of the biggest sins one could ever commit the pleasure that comes with it is all the more satisfying and then the guilt kicks in and after that the bitch comes knocking at  your door; regret. It is honestly fucking sad to regret or feel remorse or anything related to something like that.

Life was honestly fucked up...

Aimee had the sudden urge to call her mother and so she did, the phone rang for a bit but it was soon answered,

"Hello, Williams residents!" answered Aimee's sibling,

"Anne, it's me Aimee put Mom on the phone," Aimee said smiling to herself, Anne was a little over sixteen and very spirited, Aimee was close with her to an extent.

"Oh Aimee! How you been girl, I miss you, hold on mommy on the veranda,  Mommy! Aimee on the phone......she's coming," there's fidgeting for a bit on the other line and a new voice comes on, her mother,

"Aimee, how have you been?" Aimee's mother asks,

"I'm fine, you know, I missed you and just felt like calling, how's everything?" Aimee asked generally interested.

"Things alright here, you know, your father just left, I'll make sure to tell him you called," Aimee's mother said slightly apprehensive.

"Aimee are you sure you're okay, you seem a bit off?" Marjorie said sounding completely concerned,

"Yes I'm fine, I just wanted to talk to you for a bit, I gotta go now though, bye love you," Aimee rushed,

"Okay, Love you!" Marjorie sighs, she knew she had to let this one go.

This was getting too real for her, but she couldn't do anything