Breathe

Patience

Trying first Person...

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Aimee

I did not expect his reaction, it made me realize that this was not just about me, it was about him too. I guess I got a bit carried away, I felt the hurt so much after Alice explained her story and it hurt ten folds more when he responded so calculated towards me, so raw. I was too paper caught up with myself to realize that he had hurt too and I just pushed him to his limits, it was coming anyway, why delay what was meant to happen long before?

As I lay in my bed, I think and fully recall that night and I then realize that I have that paper to write, so I grab my laptop and play the extended version of Clair de lune and I begin to write.

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I'm agitated about today, it's the day that the paper is due, I put so much raw emotions into it that I'm afraid to show anyone, let alone the person that it's centered on, I myself am a woman, how was I supposed to write a woman's response to me, I strangely decided to write about my response to him and how it made me feel, because I need him to understand. 

My thoughts are all over the place, sitting here waiting for him to arrive makes this ten folds harder, soon enough, the double doors from the staff quarters open as Professor Van Houston walks in without a care  to the world. He looks up and he meets my gaze but he turns away immediately, however, I feel someone else's gaze on me and I turn to see Alice staring at me and although she said she wouldn't, I do feel judged, its  like she could sense that it's too painful for him to look at my face and  see how sorry I am for everything that I said, I guess the essay will explain everything .

"Good Morning class, before I start anything I'd like my essays now, you can pass them to ends of each row and I'll collect, begin now," Arden seem different today, more serious.

Everyone quickly took their essays out and passed them to the end of the row, I was a bit nervous to pass mine, but I eventually did. Arden started collecting papers without sparing anyone a glance or smile, he was just so cold today. When he reached my row, he didn't even spare me a glance, but it's understood, I told him I was hurt and he apparently got the message, loud and clear in fact.

"Okay, now that's done with, lets start today's class, I don't have a particular title for this topic but I'm gonna explain it in such a way that you may put it under a broadened topic of the syllabus."

"You know, some women can honestly fool you, they can make you get so deep and lost in them that you hold on to every word that they  say until you realize that It was just a game all along, the thing is you were never that willing to take the next step, but who are you to resit when they give that extra push, because that's so rare, personally I think that's very demeaning on their part, I'm not targeting you women but I'm just being realistic, I mean this is honestly rare, but when it happens its unbelievable, and you know what the worst part is, It comes from the person you least expect, I mean...."Arden's words are cut by the blaring bells which go off continuously, indicating that it may be a fire.

"Stay calm people, it's a drill that you all need to get to, so move on with it," people started filing out after listening to Arden I myself was packing my things to leave, but I was stopped by a firm hand on my shoulder.

"You're staying here, I hadn't too much to say last week, but now you'll hear me out, come sit at my desk, and when I start speaking I don't want to hear anything from you until I'm finished saying what I have to," he seemed so chill, it made me nervous,I wasn't prepared for  this but I made him listen to what I had to say, so I guess it's his turn.

"I'll admit that when you barged in here last time, saying how hurt you were and confused and how I let you loose yourself made me so fucking angry, but that's not the point right now, the point is you acted as if I didn't have things to loose too, I'm your teacher for Christ sake, do you know how much trouble I could get in with the board, not that I can't handle it, but I don't want to be out right obvious. You came in here as if I didn't ask you if you were sure, like I didn't ask you before we were about to, like I didn't ask you if you wanted me to stop, like I didn't ask you if I was hurting you, all your responses were negative," he was breathing down my shoulders piercing his gaze through me, I squirmed in my seat, he was growing frustrated by the minute and I just sat there and embraced his rage because I put it on myself.

"When I was pounding myself inside of after you got accustomed to it, you didn't tell me to stop did you? Did you? Because I can't remember you saying that, Answer me damn it!" he aggressively cleared all the papers from the desk. 

I didn't know what to say, I was so overwhelmed, I didn't possibly think it would affect him this much.

"God! I can't stand to look at you, but you're just so fucking beautiful," he looks at my face and his eyes zone in on my lips and it's like a magnet drawing me nearer, I rise from my seat and I trace my hands over his face, he looks flushed and and frustrated, I can't resit I place a gentle kiss on his lips and I pull away for a minute, he looks in my eyes and enraptures me into a deep kiss, in the kiss I'm holding on to all of his raw emotions, his hands squeezes, tugs and pulls me closer to his body, I don't care how wrong this may be right now or how hypocritical it may be of me but, I'm just lost in everything, I simply can't resist his tempt. 

He places me on his desk and he caresses me with along my neck and cleavage, I'm gasping for breath, but I don't want him to stop, he does though.

"Stop!" Arden screams and it scares me, he's realized how wrong this is but I don't want to acknowledge it.

"This is exactly what I was talking about, I can't do this," his words hurt me, I'm still silent as he fixes his clothes.

"You need to leave, this is officially done with, we need to maintain a suitable student-teacher relationship," his words shock me.

This times it hurts ten times more, I grab all of my things and sprint out of the room as I allow the tears to fall in the process.

Breathing is hard.

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Another update!

What!! I'm on a roll I just felt like it tho....

until next time

-Allea