Marvel: Reader Inserts

I'm Not That Girl ~ Bucky's Version ~ Bucky Barnes x Reader

"Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl"

Your heart was hammering against your chest as Bucky pulled you onto the dance floor. His smile was as big as ever, causing his eyes to shine and making you feel so lucky to be so close to him. If only you could always be this close to him.

"Come on, doll!" Bucky laughed. "Don't make me to all the work!"

You smiled and began pulling your weight in the dance. Though the dance hall was crowded, it felt like it was just two of you. Almost anytime you spent with Bucky felt like that. The world around you both was silent and still, allowing you to lean too much into your heart.

"She's here!" Bucky exclaimed, eyes locked on the entrance of the dance hall. "Y/N, she's here!"

Your heart fell as he let you go and headed straight for the woman who held his heart. Dot.

"Don't dream too far

Don't lose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl"

"Hey, doll," Bucky greeted with that smile heart-stopping smile.

"Hey, Buck," you responded. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't a guy stop by to see his best girl?"

Best girl. You always felt joy when he called you that, causing you to push aside the true meaning of that title. You weren't truly his best girl, but his best friend aside from Steve.

"Plus, I need to talk to you," he continued, stepping into your apartment. "I need some advice about Dot."

"Oh, yeah, of course." You took a deep breath as you closed the door, trying to reign in your emotions.

"I think I love her."

Your hand fell from the handle of the door as your heart shattered. "Oh?" You turned around and headed into the kitchen to fix up a snack. You needed to focus on something else right now or you were going to lose it in front of Bucky.

"Yeah. She's perfect, doll. Like... the best thing that's every happened to me."

"That's great, Buck. What advice to you need?"

"I need to know how to tell her. How do I tell her that I love her? Do I get flowers? Tell her while dancing? Take her out to a fancy dinner—"

"Just tell her, Buck. No frills. If she loves you back, she just wants to know you love her. That's all she cares about."

"You think?"

You sighed. "I know."

"Every so often we long to steal

To the land of what-might-have-been

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel

When reality sets back in"

Your dreams were the only place that the wishes of your heart came true. Bucky chose you. Bucky loved you. You were truly his best girl.

But then you would wake and remember the truth. Bucky loved Dot and Dot loved him. You were just someone in his life, for now.

It was the early morning and you had just woken up from one of your dreams when a knock sounded at your apartment door. When great caution, you went over and opened it. You were surprised to find Bucky standing on the other side. But even more surprised to find him in military uniform.

"Bucky?" You questioned. "What's going on? What are you wearing?"

"I know that I should have told you sooner, doll," Bucky's voice was laced with guilt. "But I didn't know how... I'm shipping out to England."

"What? When?"

"Now."

There was no point in stopping the tears.

"Hey, hey, please don't cry," he pled as he stepped closer, his hands coming up to hold your face. "You know I can't stand to see my best girl cry."

"You should've told me sooner," you cried. "I deserved to know."

"I know, I know... I just... I couldn't stand the thought of saying goodbye to you."

"Then don't."

He gave you a sad smile. "Can't do that, doll. But... you can come see me off. I would really love it if my best girl was there."

"Blithe smile, lithe limb

She who's winsome, she wins him

Gold hair with a gentle curl

That's the girl he chose

And Heaven knows

I'm not that girl"

Dot was sobbing as Bucky held her close. You and Steve stood to the side, watching the scene as military personal hurried around the shipyard. Other goodbyes were happening around you, almost allowing the scent of tears to fill the area.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Steve whispered. He was the only one who knew of your feelings. He had figured them out just by watching you.

"It's fine," you mumbled, keeping your eyes on the couple. "I always knew that I wasn't Bucky's type."

"Y/N—"

"Don't try to make me feel better, Steve. I really don't want it."

Your heart clenched as Bucky brushed Dot's golden hair from her face and gave her a kiss. A stray tear slipped down your face and you quickly wiped it away.

"I can't do this," you whispered, turning around.

"Y/N!" Steve tried to keep you there, but you weaved through the crowd before he could.

"Don't wish, don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl

There's a girl I know

He loves her so"

You hoped that Bucky would write to you, but he never did. You heard that Dot was receiving letters and small gifts. Pressed flowers, poems, drawings, and a small pearl. Every time you got an update from Steve about Bucky it was due to his letters to Dot. It only hurt you further.

One day, Dot showed up at your apartment. You were curious and allowed her to come in.

"Bucky asked me to keep this a secret," Dot explained as she seated herself on the couch. "But I know he didn't keep any secrets from you and I just had to tell someone!"

"About what?" You questioned.

"Bucky sent a pearl in his latest letter. With the pearl, he asked me to marry him." And you thought your life couldn't get any worse. "Of course, I responded with a yes. We're going to get married as soon as he returns."

You pressed out a fake smile. "Congrats, Dot." Your voice wobbled. "I'm happy for the two of you."

"I knew you would be. I feel so much better now that someone knows."

Dot didn't stay much longer. It was a good thing, because you weren't in a good place. As soon as she was gone, you had collapsed into a puddle of tears. Your dream was over. Bucky chose Dot over you. He loved her and not you.

"I'm not that girl"