Until my Last Breath

34

São Paulo, Brazil.

The driver's room feels like a prison. Ever since I landed in Brazil, it's been my sanctuary and my cage. I've avoided everyone for two weeks, burying myself in silence, refusing to face the fallout from the Netherlands. I only leave for mandatory meetings, slipping in and out like a ghost. Today is race day, but it doesn't feel any different. If anything, the penalty hanging over my head makes it worse. Starting from the backline because of an "unsafe conduct" ruling is just another nail in the coffin of my anxiety.

I'm in my usual corner, quietly getting ready. My balaclava is in my lap, but my hair is still loose. I know it needs to be braided, but I can't bring myself to ask Marina. She's sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone, pretending not to notice my struggle. I'm too proud to ask for help, even though my fingers hover near my braid band.

But she notices. Without a word, she sets her phone aside and walks over. Sitting behind me, she gently tugs me down to the floor between her legs, her hands already working through my hair. The familiar pull of her fingers is grounding. I stay quiet, staring at the floor, grateful but too stubborn to say it. When she finishes, she ties it off and pauses, her hand resting on my shoulder.

"Rita," she says, her voice serious, "we need to talk."

I glance up at her, sensing the weight of her words. For a moment, I consider brushing her off, retreating back into my shell, but there's something in her tone that keeps me rooted. I follow her to the couch, sitting beside her reluctantly.

Marina looks at me, searching my face. "I know you won't talk to me about what's going on, I know its been hard and I know you feel like everything is against you but..."

"What is it?" I ask sensing her unease and her eyes immediately shot up to mine.

"i promised myself i would tell you after the race because i didn't know how you'd take the news but i can't help i-"

"Tell me Nina." I cut her but my tone remains soft .
She immediately starts rambling. Her words sink in slowly as i listen intently , and for the first time in weeks, the crushing weight on my chest starts to lift upon hearing the news . I breathe-really breathe-like I've been drowning this whole time and finally found air.

"Arthur came up with the idea, and the PR team managed to pull some strings and get it." She hesitates, then places her hand on mine. "If Darwin even thinks about coming near you again, we have enough to ruin his career, to actually make it his last season near the paddock."

Relief floods me, and before I can stop myself, I pull Marina into a tight hug. "Thank you," I whisper, my voice cracking.
She hugs me back just as tightly.

Marina leaves soon after, saying she needs to handle something. I stay on the couch, still processing what she just told me, when Alexandra walks in. She always has a knack for showing up when I need her most.

"I take Marina broke the news?" she says with a knowing smile.

I nod, a small grin spreading across my face. For the first time in ages, I feel lighter, like I can actually take on the day. We chat about everything and nothing for a while, and for once, I don't feel the need to withdraw.

Then my phone buzzes on the table. I reach for it, glancing at the notification.

Gavi

-Good luck in Brazil ;)

The text is simple, friendly, and yet i find myself staring at it more than i probably should for some reason.